My teeth are going to rot out of my head because my lunch was a double chocolate chip muffin and then some gummy bears....

   I should probably stop posting mid-day when I know that more exciting things are going to happen later in the day. But I keep coming back to my blog and started thinking need to write....

  I had my last weekend of work! It was kind of bad because I felt sick the whole weekend from lack of sleep but overall, so happy to be done and so happy that I met some really cool people who definitely helped the time pass and made thing super entertaining. On Sunday, I made mac and cheese for Michelle and I and it was supernice to catch up with her. Surprising how much I can miss that girl when she's gone for a week. I don't mean that in a bad sense, guess we just tight.

   Woke up to Obi Tuesday morning and miss him terribly. There are times, like now, when I want nothing more than him to be in London, wandering around with me...I was just thinking about us wandering through Soho, finding that random magazine shop, him driving me crazy being here, but enjoying his company at the same time. Falling asleep in Costa essentially...and just generally getting lost. Omg gingerbread lattes...I think of them fondly.

   Yesterday we went to the Evolving English exhibit at the British Library. Was very impressive but overall I didn't see the whole thing because there were so many old people who took SO long reading all the things. It was kind of annoying and I didn't have the patience for it. It was set up like they had a long line of really old books (only surviving full copy of Beowulf from like 1000 AD!!) and in front of them a panel with descriptions. People literally were taking like ten minutes at a paragraph. It was ridiculous. And then as I was finally reading the paragraph, someone would lean over to look at the book and cast the paragraph into shadow. ... Anyway.

   So sex. I love the people in my life. Last week I went to bed to a message from Ellen about really fucked up erotic poetry and its interpretation, and I really enjoy that I get these messages of people thinking of me. This morning I woke up to a message from Jackie who said a new girl on RC Review was praising my Clive Owen piece from last year. It makes me so happy! And last night I was skyping with a friend who asked me sexual health advice and I was made really happy again. I love talking about that stuff and discussing it, etc. I feel like this is how I got the British History minor...kind of fell into it because I realized how happy it made me (except empire here...). But yay, sex education. I LOVE Planned Parenthood. I would encourage anyone and everyone in the US to go there because they are the nicest people and the most helpful.

   I have started watching Misfits. It's like upper 50s today. I'm going to try to get my hair cut. I am seeing Robyn and Nina. Every other awkward and confusing thing in my life is made slightly better by dancing around my room in my underwear listening to the Rapture, folding my laundry and eating love hearts.

Rejuvenation

   Something has clicked. It was somewhere between just being at Waterfront last night and something Cathy said to me, but something has changed. My main goal is no longer just to get through the next few months so I can go home, but now I feel sad that I know I leave so soon. I was doing things that made me happy. I am a legitimate person in the world. Meeting and talking to new people. Going to a school where they throw parties for residence halls with free shots advertised. Participating in a sexy pub quiz and just being in freaking London. I guess I had been thinking a lot about being here and it was really Cathy who acted as the universe to let me articulate how I feel. She asked me (I think) what was the best thing about being here and what was the worst. And I answered that the best thing about London is that you can find all these little niche things because it's such a huge place, there's something for everyone. Like there's this exhibit right now at the National Theatre called "Angelheaded Hipsters" and it's like pictures of Beat poets and pictures that Ginsberg took. There are fetish clubs. There is food from everywhere. The bad thing, I answered, was that I missed nature, and I guess that implies a sense of calm somehow. Like you can't just go for a walk because it's city--there are tiny sidewalks everyone and people, people, people. And if you wanted to go to a park you'd have to travel a ways to get there, and doing so would not always be safe depending on the time and area. It was interesting to finally be able to pinpoint these things.

   Last night was my first ever pub quiz and it just felt good to be part of something. To know that sexual health is super important and we were getting people to test for STIs and we were handing out condoms and there was a good sense of power in education. Our team did not place but we had a good time. I had two Sex on the Beach(es) and even though I had only shared a plate of chips for dinner with Cathy, I was not feeling it. I was ready to stop when she sort of turned to me and was like, "Ohhh, let's get another!" So I got a pint of this strawberry-lime cider which was good and then I felt it. It felt so GOOD to just let loose after working for five weekends and feeling down and like a shut-in. It feels good to have things to look forward to. We got the tube home and split up at the stairs cus we were catching opposite branches of the Northern line and I got to the platform and then realized that, hey, that girl looks like Cathy and it was her. Kind of funny. Went home and just felt alive. And I would like to note that it was my first good night's sleep in nearly a week.

   Today I did my last bit of SHAG week volunteering and everyone was shitting themselves because the tv show Embarrassing Bodies was at King's to film. They were in Waterfront while we were there filming rugby players (who were later going to be getting tested). Cathy was shitting herself cus the famous doctor guy was right there and he just plainly chatted to us. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay, cus I had to meet Chris for lunch. And that in itself was great. We went to Tas on Borough High Street, which is a Turkish restaurant and got the menu where we got a starter, main course and dessert for only 7 pounds. It was good to see someone from home who knows the ins and outs of me and who totally calls my bullshit worrying (and who told me not to worry). It was nice to catch up, as I hadn't seen him since November.

   So overall I think I've got a things under my belt now to tide me through. It's my last weekend of work. Then I am sharing a bottle of wine with Nina, having a pancake party with Robyn, maybe going to a fetish club, and who knows what else could be in store? Lots of museums for sure.

Word up, hoes down.

Firstly, I would like to share this video with you: http://www.whitehouse.gov/photos-and-video/video/2011/02/01/kicking-2011-commencement-challenge-0

I just have to say how freaking awesome it is to see Kalamazoo so in the spotlight for good things and to see someone I went to high school with talking to the freaking president. How cool is that? I didn't leave my room until the evening yesterday and it was weird because I watched so much and after watching that video, I had all this patriotic pride and I literally thought, "Oh no, if I leave my room it means I'm not in America anymore and I'll still be in London etc etc etc..."

But I left my room. And went to see The King's Speech. I don't know that I was necessarily into a drama at that time, but it was pretty good. It just kind of made me sad to see Colin Firth look like such a sad puppy the whole time. And by the end, his stammering kind of made me feel a choking sensation in my throat. Anyway. Then I actually did a bit of night walking around in London, which was weird and nice.

Today I did Sexpression volunteering again, this time with Lauren. It was quite good as she had a good little speech when we approached people and we got like two or three people to actually do chlamydia tests. I did one just so I could get a free t-shirt lol. And I've been eating love hearts (tastes like our Smarties but better and look like valentine's hearts) like they're crack cus they're so much better than smarties. Anyways, I've nearly finished my Empire essay, will edit tomorrow, but I'm feeling very apathetic about my Literature and Psychoanalysis essay. I know what I want to write about, but I'm loath to get started cus I have to do some research. The Sexy Pub Quiz is tonight so I think I shall do a bit of drinking cus I deserve it. Cathy and Chris are in town so that should be nice, if not a bit stressful (to see Chris cus we don't have something solid planned yet). I'm sure it will work out.

A Revelation?

   We had good weather for like two days. SUNSHINE. ALL DAY. For two days. I got out of the flat and went to a museum with Greg. Got off at Camden and waited around for like twenty minutes. Got stopped by UNICEF people. Got my picture taken while simultaneously jumping and reading by a nice guy named Garret. Greg and I had a twenty minute walk AROUND REGENT'S PARK IN THE SUNSHINE to get to the MUSEUM OF EVERYTHING. We also got a little lost, missing turns but eventually we found that museum and it was weeeeird. Like funhouse mirrors, disturbing pictures, and really awkward arrangements of stuffed animals (taxidermy). It was just weird and I wrote in their guestbook (under someone who said the exhibit had made them scarred) that it was weird and a little disturbing.

   Basically everything I wanted to write has sort of gone out the window. Last night I didn't really sleep. I went to bed shortly after 11 and tossed and turned for like three hours. It was when I was washing my face this morning that I realized that I AM NOT GROWING ANYMORE. I have reached a point of stagnancy. Obi is no longer in Europe to keep me in check and to bounce my shit off of and to discuss life. I am no longer in a dynamic state. This needs to change. Give me strength to let it be so.

If you're one of my adult relatives, please don't read this. For your own safety and my mental wellbeing (talking about sex and Dave Matthews)

This is more for my benefit really. Yesterday I was bumming and Dave Matthews came up on shuffle so I decided to listen to Weekend on the Rocks, which Theo had just given me. Omgggggg. The shit DM sings is like grawr. Like where he says, "There you go, you dirty girl" I'm just like, "Why yes, Dave Matthews, I AM a dirty girl, let's go." And he is kind of raw, growling masculinity sometimes...it's just yummy. Anyways, so that made my day...allllll day, better. And it made for 45 minutes of dancing around my room like a maniac in "trainers" and "tracksuit bottoms."


Also, third season of Psych is soooo good and I get all giddy and giggly and *squee* when Shawn and Juliet have oodles of romantic chemistry and tension. I need manly, golden forearms in my life.

Falling into the two days a week thing again...

   The weather here lately has finally decided to warm up a little bit. Meaning 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Meaning lighter jacket that doesn't absolutely drown me. This also means that they crack the window in the call center at work and a soft, warmish breeze floats in through the window and I am suddenly reminded of home and how much I want to be there (except just not now when the roads are all muddy and gross and there are black piles of snow everywhere). I want summertime at home. I don't even know specifically what I want about it, just the idea of it. I keep thinking about missing Ann Arbor, too, but I don't even want Ann Arbor. Spring and Summer are reserved for HOME. Cus normally by the time April comes, I want nothing more than to get the fuck out of pretentious-ass Ann Arbor and go home where we keep it real. I can't formulate it more clearly than this so I apologize. Just know that I've still got that underlying homesickness. I must say though, Robyn's talk of sitting in parks (on blankets??!) and eating sounds like a good way to leave London. I also know that I'm going to horribly depressed when I get home. It's hard to feel stuck between two places/mindsets.

   I think I might be getting sick. I've had a tickle at night for the past two days and it manifested a bit more last night cus I knew I was going to have to get up. So I had some Airborne for breakfast. And then went to a slightly interesting, but also boring! lecture. And then I got my coursework back. Two British Bs, which, after reading the commentary on my paper, I have a strange feeling aren't really all that different from American Bs. Cus what it comes down to is that my writing didn't really progress that much--I only had to do more of it. And it was still average writing. I was a bit annoyed that Gordon commented that my essay was a bit awkward, but that confidence would come in time, etc. While I feel that that's somewhat true, if you're writing about something that you don't necessarily connect with or put that much effort into, it's not going to be the greatest. Because I was really into what I wrote for British Literature and Film, and I got higher marks. Oh well. Doomed to be average until something comes along that I actually really enjoy.

   Last item of business is what sort of crashed my self-esteem today. I know I'm not "in" your group. I don't take every class with you or know every single little nuance of being a student at King's, but I just don't understand why it's so hard for people to be more open. If you literally make eye contact with someone you know in the hallway, holding their just-received coursework, why would you just walk right by them?? Who does that??? I don't need to needle my way in and replace anyone. I'm only here for three more months. Why can't people just be NICE? I know I'm being a bit sensitive but like, what the hell. It bothers me that little stuff like this bothers me so much. It shows that I let people in and am not treating myself kindly. I don't take good care of myself emotionally sometimes. This needs to change. At the risk of being a social outcast? Or ostracising my friends who are actually my friends? Augh.

   The next two weeks are going to be hellish, but with great scheduling, anything can happen.

oh my ga...not really

   I feel like it should be noted that there is a girl in my creative writing class who has an iPad, and then before class today I saw she was holding both a blackberry and an iPhone 4!!! I just want to know WHY.

   Anyway, life is still complicated. But after my rather refreshing hiatus, I read Emma in three and a half days and watched a ton of Psych and got one day of not leaving even though I got all dressed and nearly walked out the door before I realised I didn't want to trek to the museum. Lolz. SOOOOO. Literature and Psychoanalysis has me soooo confused this week. Apparently, and I kind of overlooked this, we're supposed to be preparing hardcore questions to bring to seminar in order to discuss and then expound on them for our mid-semester essay! I forgot this week in my craze of reading, and though I read most of "The Unconscious", most of it went over my head and I had barely even a vague idea of what was going on in discussion today. OMG help. I have NO idea what to write about for that essay. EVERYTHING IS OVERWHELMING ME. I need to get through the next two and a half weeks and then it will be ok. A little more ok.
   So yes, I'm quite overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to accomplish in that time and basically, I'm so tired from reading the past four days that I am going to knock off tonight and watch oodles of Psych and get Obi's last night in Spain and eat a fucking chocolate muffin like a fatass and enjoy every other minute of it!