Falling into the two days a week thing again...

   The weather here lately has finally decided to warm up a little bit. Meaning 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Meaning lighter jacket that doesn't absolutely drown me. This also means that they crack the window in the call center at work and a soft, warmish breeze floats in through the window and I am suddenly reminded of home and how much I want to be there (except just not now when the roads are all muddy and gross and there are black piles of snow everywhere). I want summertime at home. I don't even know specifically what I want about it, just the idea of it. I keep thinking about missing Ann Arbor, too, but I don't even want Ann Arbor. Spring and Summer are reserved for HOME. Cus normally by the time April comes, I want nothing more than to get the fuck out of pretentious-ass Ann Arbor and go home where we keep it real. I can't formulate it more clearly than this so I apologize. Just know that I've still got that underlying homesickness. I must say though, Robyn's talk of sitting in parks (on blankets??!) and eating sounds like a good way to leave London. I also know that I'm going to horribly depressed when I get home. It's hard to feel stuck between two places/mindsets.

   I think I might be getting sick. I've had a tickle at night for the past two days and it manifested a bit more last night cus I knew I was going to have to get up. So I had some Airborne for breakfast. And then went to a slightly interesting, but also boring! lecture. And then I got my coursework back. Two British Bs, which, after reading the commentary on my paper, I have a strange feeling aren't really all that different from American Bs. Cus what it comes down to is that my writing didn't really progress that much--I only had to do more of it. And it was still average writing. I was a bit annoyed that Gordon commented that my essay was a bit awkward, but that confidence would come in time, etc. While I feel that that's somewhat true, if you're writing about something that you don't necessarily connect with or put that much effort into, it's not going to be the greatest. Because I was really into what I wrote for British Literature and Film, and I got higher marks. Oh well. Doomed to be average until something comes along that I actually really enjoy.

   Last item of business is what sort of crashed my self-esteem today. I know I'm not "in" your group. I don't take every class with you or know every single little nuance of being a student at King's, but I just don't understand why it's so hard for people to be more open. If you literally make eye contact with someone you know in the hallway, holding their just-received coursework, why would you just walk right by them?? Who does that??? I don't need to needle my way in and replace anyone. I'm only here for three more months. Why can't people just be NICE? I know I'm being a bit sensitive but like, what the hell. It bothers me that little stuff like this bothers me so much. It shows that I let people in and am not treating myself kindly. I don't take good care of myself emotionally sometimes. This needs to change. At the risk of being a social outcast? Or ostracising my friends who are actually my friends? Augh.

   The next two weeks are going to be hellish, but with great scheduling, anything can happen.