BOREDO[O]M and so. much. rambling.

Why oh why does it have to be nice outside and I have total lack of will to do anything productive. Things I did do: finished The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, went through a book for Psychoanalysis, went through a book for Shakespeare, went to the library, ate lots of food, watched like three or four eppys of Big Bang (Season 1 and Season 4 are best). At one point I turned on my computer to start working on creative writing and I got as far as opening my documents folder before I watched Big Bang again and then started skyping with Obi and eating copious amounts of food. Then my computer was on for too long so I took a break and I'm running out of things to clean and organize in my boredom. I straightened up a drawer and my desk and washed the dishes. I am currently back on the sadness train, listening to musicals and Chris Bathgate and feeling sorry for myself because I know things can't always be perfect, but I thrive on a little drama, but I have no meter so I bring it all on myself. I feel out of touch. And bloated. Can't forget bloated. I've been craving chai in the middle of the afternoon and I find that weird but I indulge. Isn't flucloxacillin a silly name? Say that five times fast. Mmm I think part of it is homesickness cus the other day we were out buying a pizza and eating in the park and spring/summer here feels like home, like when you ignore work in order to go out and play and you go buy junk food and life becomes an adventure as you walk around eating things that aren't good for you in the warmth and dwindling sunlight. All the Michigan folk music makes me homesick, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way. It makes me hope for the best for next year--that there will be good parties, good people, I will enjoy my classes and my life, I will dress funky and will sit on the grass when it's warm. I will be ok with going home as long as it's not too boring--if I get gigs like Breathe Owl Breathe and Chris Bathgate (maybe at the Strutt, maybe not), walking around K, walking around town in general, going to Kazoo Books and petting the cat, going to Waterstreet!!!! and drinking loads of chai shakes with dark chocolate flavoring, visiting Ann Arbor, being with my crazy, crazy friends. I was walking earlier and thinking about that--how some of my friendships just sort of fell into place because of our common wackiness, and here you really have to prove that to people, show your wackness and prove it before you can reach that point where you're talking about your genitals in detail with them, talking about daddy issues, rubbing their ass with your feet like a cricket until they fart really hard in your room...you have to build up to that shit with people you don't know. To cuddling on Parliament Hill on a stolen airplane blanket. OMG PANERA. I can't wait for Panera. The hardest part is knowing that I will be missing England through all this. Girl nights where we watch shit tv or a good movie and do henna and talk about guys. The beach...I feel greatly conflicted. OH SETTLERS OF CATAN...how I miss you. Video Hits Plus. Three Rivers. Lowry's. The highway. Rave. K's campus. My house. Patty's house. My mum's Subaru and driving. Den pops. Late night walks with Theo, Devin, and Evan. My family randomly coming up to Michigan. I am now listening to Graham Parsons. I thought you should know. I am also really sleepy again.

Apathy

   I am meant to be doing essay work, but I can't be bothered atm. I wrote almost 600 words for cw final...but it's really staccato scene-wise and nothing is really flowing so I'm giving up and writing here to see if it will help (and will probs write in actual journal later too) to get the juices going. I am going to watch Big Bang Theory in a bit, too, and maybe Skins, cus I am so tired I do NOT feel like just hitting the books. Or maybe I feel like hitting them but not opening them and taking notes. My goal to spend all of tomorrow and Sunday doing so.

   The weather has been BEAUTIFUL lately. On Wednesday Michelle and I spent an hour in the park behind gds reading and then that night was Niko's last, so I sucked it all up even though I felt ill as hell and we went up to Parliament Hill where we feasted on Pret and sort of watched the sunset, but mostly people watched (kite man, hooligan kids, people making out and mounting each other in public-->see laughing about it with cute hipster boy). Cue several fail attempts on my part to piggyback ride Niko...peed my pants slightly in the park. Was so knackered couldn't go back to Hampstead cus I knew I wouldn't get home until late. I got the northern line home and spent it just like, zoned, snuffling and trying not to cry a bit.

   Today I went to the doctor again, but this time for IUD stuff. The Dean Street nurse was amazing--I love sexual health clinic workers because they're so open and nice and wonderful. She was great to me and I had the Australian nurse again to just generally talk to, and she is just the sweetest. I was there for like two hours. Had a ROUGH pelvic exam by mean doctor man. Been on the computer since I've been home. No will to do anything. Will try to write later and perhaps come up with a plan for my life. I need an outdoor table and no wind. That would be magical. Work work work the weekend away. Register for classes for next year on Monday. Attempt to get my shit together. Let's go!

Megavideo is being a little bitch--->blogging time

   Yes, been totally slacking lately. This past week has been stressful because I had a history essay due and Cheapside stuff due and it was all a lot. I ended up finishing things running on like four hours sleep but it was all ok. I went to see Patrick Wolf again on Tuesday night, this time at a club in Camden called Koko. I went with Nina and met her bestie, Roy, who was a total sweetheart and very nice. We had a box area on the second tier sort of at the side. It was a nice view and one didn't get all concert-sweaty. A guy called Rowdy Superstar opened the show. He was like glam rap with backup dancers. It was fun but the strobe lights were kind of intense. Patrick again was amazing. He played a lot of older songs like "To the Lighthouse" which was fun to hear live. I really liked hearing "Hard Times" live as well. It was super Middle Eastern emphasized. I was getting bummed about not hearing The City until he played it in the encore and I was a happy girl. It took us ages to get out until they cleared the way for Nina to leave and she tumbled down the ramps with some WHEEE!s. We went around back and waited for at least an hour and a half and I was a bit despairing cus I hadn't really started my history essay and there was a long trek home for me. But finally when Patrick came out, a lot of things were justified. Here was this man--the memory that sticks out for me was getting through 2.5 hours of orgo at kamsc and knowing that I was going to CD Warehouse to finally buy Magic Position. And then just blasting that in my car and it was all I basically listened to for a month and I carried around the CD case for two days in class cus it made me so happy. And I printed off pictures of him and put them on my planner to make me happier at kamsc. AND HE WAS STANDING THERE OUTSIDE A CLUB IN LONDON. I was trying not to freak.

   I zoned and finally when I came back in he had come over to us. I couldn't really speak because all I had to say was, "Omg, I've loved you since I was 16, your music got me through orgo, thank you" cus that would be a jumble and yeah. So I just introduced myself and he made sure to get my name right and then Roy and Nina and he talked about the gig and the sound, etc and I was thinking, "He's so tall in real life!" Before I missed my chance, I asked for a pic and then it was funny cus he kept talking to Nina and Roy was waiting to take the picture and I was like, "Picture with Patrick Wolf!" AND HE PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME AND ALL LEANED DOWN.

 

I LOOK SO HAPPY IN THIS PIC. And then we left and I was trying not to freak again. There was no night bus from there so we walked to Euston where there was no night bus then we just flagged a cab and went to Nina's so I could get my stuff. Then She and Roy walked me out to Waterloo Road where I flagged another cab and got home around 2. 

   Wednesday was Ben's bday and Michelle's. I talked to Ben for like twenty min but I was all crazed and running late putting on makeup cus we were going out to dinner for Michelle's bday. We went to this Indian place in the East End called Tayyabs and it was so cheap and amazing. There were dishes covering every inch of the table. Samosas, naan, tikka masala, mango lassi, everything. Then we came back to mine and basically just played music and talked and drank some wine and stuff. It was nice. Oh! I also wore my dress from Salvation Army that cost me less than 4 pounds and it was awesome. And I kept up with a gangle wearing heels. So that's my life in a nutshell. Classes have ended. I have three weeks to write 12,500 words and Psychoanalysis was shot down and basically...I'm not despairing and don't know why. Am having a sleepover with Michelle and Niko tonight and last night's hypochondriac worry was perforated uterus. I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. Niko leaves on Thursday. Michelle and I sat in the grass for half an hour yesterday waiting for the swings to open up. It was nice to be outside. It's spring!

I am getting to be a bad blogger/I do it for my own sake

   It's been a rough week or so...been feeling sick which hasn't been fun and is the reason for non-activity. But the weather this week has been beautiful, so I've fought my way through feeling ucky to walk around London. It's been in the 50s and sunny so I took advantage of that the other day. Sat at a bench on the embankment for quite a long while on Tuesday afternoon and then had this really freaky moment of total disconnection from London. The Eye was there, the Thames, and I didn't feel it. It was quite disorienting. Also, there are daffodils everywhere in this city.
   I saw Submarine last night. It is Richard Ayoade's first movie that he directed, and it has been likened to Wes Anderson. While I liked it overall, I did feel like it was trying a bit hard by doing a LOT--the breaking up into parts, the music, the colors. Overall nice though.
   I have been tearing up/almost crying a lot lately. Niko is leaving in less than two weeks now and it's really hitting me. He, Michelle and I were in Pret the other night and the music they were playing was just right on our situation: "I wanna go to my hometown..." and "I don't wanna say goodbye" So I cried in Pret because I'm not ready. We're going to have a sleepover next weekend though. And today Charli invited me back home with her anytime in April...so sweet.
   Otherwise I have essays. Counting history essay to be handed in next week (and I'm going to pull a Robyn here): 15,000 words. And I have no idea what I'm writing about for Psychoanalysis, barely an idea for Shakespeare, but finally had inklings for Creative Writing today...although I have to listen to an audio reading of a book and read another book still for that class. So the stress is setting in, it's 5 1/2 weeks til T visits, friends are going home, I cry thinking about going home and adjusting to that, I am a mess. I find solace in holing up in my room watching the Big Bang Theory because I have finally come around to it and it fits right now and makes me laugh out loud. I am bony. I made a killer pot of chili last night. I went to bed at 2am and am tired.

Shit is getting real.

   This morning was a really good morning. I was productive as hell and played lots of Patrick Wolf happiness to the sunshine.

   I have realized that I must strike a balance in the way I participate in class. I say one or two small but on-the-right-track things in class then I get all excited that I'm doing well and then I talked TOO much and say something stupid. But I'm appreciating the fact that I'm getting more comfortable with my peers and with MYSELF.

   Annnnnd, we workshopped my piece (anonymously) in class today. It was kind of scary as hell, especially when people kind of hated on the names I chose for my characters AND THEN SOPHIE SAID THAT IT STRUCK HER MORE AS AMERICAN. There are like two Americans in that class and I am the only one who talks!!!! I like could NOT look up cus I would have cried and/or turned beet red. Anyway, realized my story isn't a story because it actually happened and I told it kind of verbatim...boring. But I appreciated Sophie's comments a lot. And I just spent an hour reading most of this history article and I don't really care and I'm getting stressed cus time is running out and I have essays that I don't even know what I'm writing about!!! This weekend I will organize my life.

It's been a day, guys...

   So I've not been feeling well due to hormones today and a bit of yesterday, but I got home today and I was like, "Wow, I need to cry...a little alarmingly/overwhelmingly so." I talked to T for like ten minutes and that was good and I cried a little and felt immediately better. I will regale you with tales of my life

   I got coffee with Nina and Argula on Saturday and Nina made me a burnt CD with freaking decal letters spelling out my name! And she got me three giant tubes of love hearts from fucking Switzerland! So I'm currently on tube 2 and they have phrases in England, French, Swiss-German...I just ate one that said, "Sage ja" lollll. I think that right there made my day a little better. Also, Devin just IMed me with this little comic which you all should look at because it made me laugh out loud quite forcefully: http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh9fgn3nXW1qfl9wuo1_500.png

   I wore a skirt today. And mascara. Cus Nina and I were going to a makeup launch party...which didn't happen while I was around. OH, but first...I had the most interesting busride I've had since being here. Going up Waterloo Road there was a man pissing against a fence in the middle of central London with plenty of people walking by. I did a triple take. And then I nearly suffocated because the guy in front of me was wearing enough cologne to kill a small room of people with allergies. He was like a living embodiment of an A&F store because I could hear his pounding club music coming through his earbuds. Anyway, I digress.

   So I met Nina at school and we took a bus to Regent Street and I saw Carnaby Street (famous shopping area) for the first time. We went to this cute little shopping center and to this tea room where she got me a chai latte, which, looking back, almost makes me want to cry cus it was just unexpected and nice. The tea room was so cute--I want to go back! We went to the makeup store and it was deeeead so we awkwardly went around and I saw MD and then we left and wandered and then I got the bus back to school.

   I got home and was productive and talked to Charli and then just had all the little good things happen and I came out of the shower and let my hair down and it was vavavoomy and then I had to answer the flat door in a towel and it was the guy who returned our mop late last night asking if he could borrow our mop again. I've decided it's a tech night so I've put up more pictures in this album: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=340954&id=552508884&saved#!/album.php?fbid=10150149531853885&id=552508884&aid=340954

So you should enjoy that and keep being my friend because I love you.

Lots of walking, walking, walking

   Sooo starting with last Saturday--went to Hampstead Heath. Well, first I wandered around the area and was struck with how it reminded me of home a bit because there were like two random shops that made me think of downtown Kalamazoo with their designer knick-knacks. I was really tempted to buy temporary tattoos and/or face crayons...but I held back and just bought a little something for my mumsy. Then I went to the Heath, up to Parliament Hill, which is northwest London and literally looks out over the whole city. It was awesome. I could see the gherkin and other buildings, even the black and white building all the way in Elephant and Castle which is like ten minutes from my flat and you can see it from our kitchen. The lawns were nice and there was one that reminded me of the tennis courts at Western. Walked around a little more before going up and down Hampstead High Street and then walked all the way to Camden from there. What a walk, but it was nice. Ate at the Blues Kitchen and then caught a bus home.

   Michelle came over and we chit-chatted until Niko called under false premises (we did have plans to hang) and we discovered what an incredibly awful liar he is. Long story short, we saved his ass with a phone call about another toilet bowl cracking...and then we hung out until like two in the morning, just talking and stuff. Ate the leftover homemade sausage gravy at like midnight and I burnt the roof of my my mouth so hard. Said something that upset Niko at like quarter to two so I left in a huff and it was a little awks but eventually things straightened themselves out. Sunday was totally blah in comparison, just homework and skyping.

   On Monday I had class and then Michelle and I went to the library. It's been quite sunny here this week, which has been nice, so we were strolling and then she got sausage rolls (YUM) and let me have two bites. Then I went home and did hw until she texted me to do laundry so we did that. Niko texted and wanted to hang, so we arranged that. I tried to get an article for school and was generally super stressed. My laundry was hung around my room on every available surface because even though we split up our stuff in three dryers for 50 min each, everything but jeans were basically damp as hell. Niko was almost an hour late, but that's when we both apologized and everything was good. I ate my dinner then we went to Michelle's and they ate. Basically I had intended to only hang out for like two hours, but of course we ended up being in Michelle's til midnight. And I didn't shower at night again, feeling nast.

   Tues I went to Senate House and was productive, doing some research on Cheapside for my presentation on Friday. (Cheapside is an area in London, a street now, but back in Shakespeare's time it was THE marketplace and being so open, was the stage to coronation processions and other spectacles like pageants and public punishments.) Then I had class and came home to do more hw and was in the kitchen talking to Charli and stuff. Hadn't talked to T in like a week so I caught up with him. My nights have been quite blah.

   Yesterday I went shopping at Big Tesco and then successfully texted with one hand while holding my like 20lb shopping in the other and walking. Took the tube to Westminster and walked around St. James Park. The sun kept coming and going. Every time it's sunny here it's always windy as hell to take away the warmer temperature. Meant to walk up Whitehall, cus we also covered that in Shakespeare, but got lost and ended up in Trafalgar Square for a bit, then ate at Wagamama in Covent Garden before stopping at Waterstone's and oooing over sudoku books and cookbooks. Then did walk down Whitehall...quite anticlimactic after what we learned in class. Came up to Westminster then walked along the Embankment until hit Waterloo Bridge and crossed that then walked along the Thames diversion pathway all the way home. If you don't called that traversing half of London I don't know what is. I was basically dead once I got home and finally sat down. Did my Cheapside research and then watched Waterloo Road with the flat. SO MUCH SHIT HAPPENS ON THAT SHOW IT'S RIDIC. I nearly fell asleep during it. Also, I bought so many dark chocolate digestives I ate like seven and then around 11 when I went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle, Alison had made pancakes cus yesterday was Pancake Day (Fat Tuesday). So I had three crepes. Whenever I eat that late at night I always end up waking up in the wee hours hungry. Weird and not ok. So I was up, tossing and turning from 4:15-6:15, when I got out of bed and ate a small bowl of cereal so I could sleep again. I feel not rested and self-conscious. All my pants are too big for me. Some shirts are too short, some stained before I am messy. I feel hairy and everything is chapped because of the dryness? My hands are digusting, so I had to buy hand balm/extreme lotion to soothe them. My nails keeps cracking. We'll see.