Oh hi world

Augh. I feel like such a bad person and friend but it's all I can do not to die at the sight of my inboxes by the time I get back from class. So much shit to deal with at the end of the day and after hw. Augh augh augh. Drat.

I am kind of bumming about with not a lot to report other than a general lack of...good feeling at the moment. My date was blah. My Sunday was blah. Thoughts of Christmas make me sad. If Obi indeed spends it with me, it will be a little better. I know I couldn't go home even if I had the means. It would make leaving again so much harder. I wish I could rush through Christmas and bring on New Year's, when hopefully more people will come to Europe and I will feel a bit more surrounded by people I love. On Monday I went jeans shopping and came away with nothing other than a new bag and some needed items from Superdrug. I was proud though because it was the first time I took the tube alone.

I've been dreaming quite...strongly the past week or so. What's unusual is that I don't remember them, maybe just one small detail. That's unusual for me. I don't quite know what to make of it.

Also, I was looking at pictures of this girl I used to work with who got married and I nearly started crying looking at her wedding pictures because she just looks so happy and her husband looks so happy. I envy them.

Today I didn't want to get up but I did. I did something today that I'm not really proud of. I went to get a chai in the cafe in King's building and I was annoyed that two girls didn't seem like they were in line so I got in line and then they seemed to perk up to the fact that I'd cut them. I was very rude to the girl who said something to her friend about how they thought they were in line. I lashed out and I don't really know why and I immediately felt ashamed as I went away. I really don't know what came over me. Sigh. And then for lunch I ate "3 Halal Chicken sausages with potato wedges and beans" and I knew I would regret eating that but I wanted the nasty and salty for at least the first few bites and salads were smaller and colder and more expensive. Need better health. Also, I've never been so productive on a Tuesday before but I've never been this disconnected from my flatmates and annoyed at people in general. I have been getting along with Kristen. She and I at least will go to Edinburgh in two weekends for reading week.

I am suffering from bouts of homesickness. I took out pictures of my niece today (the ones that aren't on my bulletin board!) and they make me a bit weepy cus I am missing her growing up and I miss my family. And Michigan the state and Kalamazoo. I am still glad I'm here, but it's just hard to be away from a place I really love.