getting to Madrid

   so basically i´m typing on a spanish keyboard so forgive me for weird punctuation and lack of capitals. i went to bed just before 11 on tuesday night after a weird sleep schedule the day before of getting obi up for his flight. i woke up at 2ish am and couldn´t go back to sleep because i was scared about missing my own flight. i finally got out of bed at 3:30 and ate a small bowl of cereal and got dressed. then i caught my cab and was happy that there were actually people waiting at the bus stop already for te 4:30 shuttle to gatwick. i tried to sleep for most of the busride, which translated to me being deep in thought and half asleep. we got to gatwick and i could barely function to the point where, when the shuttlebus dropped us off, i didn´t know where to go and had to be prompted by a guy to get out of the elevator. buuut i ultimately found the check-in, did so, and then had some time to wait because my gate wasn´t even announced yet. i went to boots and got a one liter water bottle and some toothpaste because i forgot mine. then i did some sudoku until they announced the gate.
   the flight was uneventful. but i was so tired that i actually did fall most of the way asleep. the only thing that sucked was i couldn´t lay on one side because the guy in my row didn´t shut the window and he was sleeping too so i didn´t want to wake him up to ask him that. but i survived and had to actively keep myself awake as we were descending. it was surreal to finally be in another country. i got my passport stamped and then got my suitcase. i stopped at tourist information to ask about metro cards before i headed that direction. then i found i was behind two girls roughly my age that had sat in front of me on the plane. so i asked them where they were staying and even though they were staying with a friend, they still had to travel part of the same way as me, so we banded together. and one of them paid for my metro ticket when my debit card was declined. i really would have despaired without that kindness. so we rode the metro together until nuevos ministerios and then i completely lost them, but i gave up. an old couple took pity on me and asked me where i was going. then i had to buy a ticket to take a train. i wandered up and down not knowing which train to take cus there was like 9 lines. i asked about a bajillion people, utilizing the little spanish i have retained. finally i got a security guy and he directed me correctly and understandably. so i found my train and took it one stop to sol.
   i emerged in the puerta del sol and thought my hostel was right on it but the guy there told me otherwise and i am pretty sure he sent me in the wrong direction. so i stopped in the plaza to cool down and look at the directions again and the map. having reoriented myself, i found the street and walked up and down it and there was no clear sign. then i read the booking again and found the right door. except then i buzzed and didn´t press the correct button to get in, but the guy buzzed me in anyway. and i arrived at my hostel, in a foreign country, by myself.
   i took some time to set up my space and then played sudoku until i forced msyelf to go out. i walked to the puerta and walked up and down at least three streets looking in the stores and stuff. finally i sat in the puerta for half an hour waiting for devin to call. nothing, and only having had some oatmeal squares and some pretzels in addition to cereal, i went to a chain kebob place where i had its namesake. and then i went back to the hostel and was off and on the computer for hours trying to get a hold of devin and despairing. i took a shower and finally there was word from her. then i went to bed at 11:30, having no idea how i made it that long.
   this morning i woke up around 10 and had to force myself out of bed. i got breakfast at dunkin donuts cus it´s literally right next door and i didn´t have time. then i waited in puerta del sol for 20 minutes and finally sam and devin came. there was a bit of communication. then we decided to go to museo del prado but by the time we got down there, the line was sooooo long so we explored around it and then just went to el parque de buen retiro and walked around there for quite awhile. finally, we decided to head back and we found the cutest little store that was most akin to a food co-op that had food and a buffet. everything looked amazing. sam and i got food--vegetarian paella (don´t worry i´m still getting the real stuff), macaroni salad, chickpeas, etc. soooo good. and there were cute dogs about. so we got lost on the way back and went to a market and another old man took pity on us staring at our map and gave us directions back to puerta. (he used vosotros!!!!) we finally realized we walked in a huge loop and went back to the hostel and chilled for an hour. then we went to plaza mayor to try to meet up for this free tapas tour except we got there and never saw the tourguide so we went on a search of a tapas bar obi told me about. we finally found it and it was so expensive when he had told me it was like 4 euro tapas. so we left. and got italian food. my pizza was so huge!!
   we wandered through some zapaterias--shoestores--and then we worked our way to la chocolateria de san gines, which ellen told me to go to. got churros and chocolate soo good. but i think i might prefer some added sugar and cinnamon on my churros. then we went back to my hostel and chilled for half an hour and they left cus we´re meeting up EARLY tomorrow. and i did so much sudoku and was sad until the other lively americans watched transformers and it was really stupid. like what a stupid premise for a movie. robotic aliens? for real? lol anyway. so it´s just after 10:30 and i think i might go to bed in like half an hour. i´m never staying in a hostel alone again. i´ve made do, but it´s not for me. but the girls who sleep across from me both said hi to me earlier and one of them asked me if i was going out tonight, etc and made nice conversation. i´m ready to go back to my own room and even though the shower is tiny, a shower that isn´t intensely constricted by four walls!

more Christmas-y things

   On Christmas Eve night, Michelle came over around 6pm and then Obi came back shortly after that. We made lots of leftovers for dinner and sat around the table talking and being silly and stuff. We went back to Michelle's flat and watched Zack and Miri Make a Porno which was really good. Obi and I came back to mine and stayed up til 2am facebook stalking and talking to people. I was chatting on skype and Obi was sitting next to me watch Gundam Unicorn and I didn't know that so I look over and there's just a white unicorn on the screen. So random.
   On Christmas day we woke up RIGHT as we were supposed to meet Michelle so we got out the door in five minutes to go eat bagels, cream cheese, smoked salmon and mimosas. Yummmmm. And her grandma's homemade hot chocolate mix. Then we took a break so everyone could go skype people. I let Obi have skype time for like an hour and a half then I had skype time. Work in progress time. I got dressed and everything, gathered the food, then met Flynn in the lobby and waited for Niko. We headed up to Michelle's flat and started in on so much foooood. I basically had a meal of just starters. We had carrots, peppers, tomatoes, and broccoli with hummus; a selection of French cheese with crackers; and sausage rolls for starters, all while Michelle had homemade applesauce cooking in the background. We didn't actually eat the meal until 9pm. Chicken breast, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, homemade mac and cheese, green beans, and crusty bread. There was music and not-drunken dancing (you think I need alcohol to make a fool out of myself dancing to Hall and Oates [thank you Rachel]??? Bad thing is it was caught on camera). Finally, after 11pm, and a half hour of rest to let the food settle, we made our back to my flat for some mini mince pies and a second round of Mao, a card game where you sort of make up your own rules. I know certain people know how I am when I play cards, and especially how I am when I am learning a new game, so it should come as no surprise that I HATED it at first because I didn't get it, and then I just kept getting happy to pull one over on Niko, making up a rule that people had to glare at him. He called a cab a little after 1 and we played until it arrived. So I walked him down and then everyone called it a night.
   It was about 2 but I wanted to go online so I did and ended up skyping and didn't fall asleep until after quarter to 4. Obi got out of bed at 10 yesterday and was on the computer and I lay in bed for an hour hating everything. :-P Just for lack of sleep. He was going to go out but it didn't work out. So we kind of sat around until 2ish. He was online and I did sudoku but then I took a shower and he sort of started napping so I watched Psych. I think he got up or something to eat and I thought he was going to leave but they called and cancelled. He and I watched the eppy of Graham we went to, noting the editing, etc. Then I started talking to T, so Obi gave us some space and ended up sleeping on my bed for two hours, so I stayed on the computer. I finally woke him up again around 6 cus we went to Michelle's for dinner--leftovers and some peppers and sausage. We watched I Love You, Man after that and then came back. Skyped with Carman and Chelsey and then stayed up til nearly 2 talking like 10-year-old girls in the dark. ;) Now he's just left to go around with his friends and I'm NOT working on essays and instead will catch up with shitty (but good) tv and waste time, etc. Pictures? I think so. Cheers!

Christmas Away from Home

   So things are a bit more sorted now. I.e. my life. -->making do. It's ok. Obi arrived on Tuesday and we went to Graham early, and I STILL sat in the same row that I did last time. I think I might be ok with going to tapings now (unless I get a better seat--and I'm wondering, "Who does one have to fuck to get the chairs right in front of the couch? Or on that side of the studio???"). The warm-up guy did the exact same act, Graham did a little bit of the same act, which was a little disappointing, but oh well. At least I was more excited about who we were seeing. Matt Smith was a little disappointing, I'm not going to lie. There was something almost cocky about him, and I don't buy him dating a model now. You know that shit would not have happened if he weren't who he is. Nonetheless, I was glad to see him. David Williams and Matt Lucas were on and Matt Lucas is really hilarious. It was good times.
   On Wednesday we went traipsing up and down Oxford Street, which was kind of a nightmare. We made our way into the streets of Soho and the only place we went was a vintage magazine shop. The magazines weren't that exciting but the upstairs had funny cards and things, posters, pictures of old-time movie stars, directors, etc. Then we went to Costa and I got probably the last gingerbread latte that I'll be having here. Obi picked a spot by the bathroom so we were forever telling people it was taken and Obi was practically sleeping on the couch (the guy behind us actually did fall asleep in his chair) and we talked about what to do in Madrid. A little more excited now. We were barely home for 15 min when we went out to eat with Michelle and Melina, from Michelle's French host family. That was a little awkward cus only Michelle speaks a little French. Later Obi and I talked to Emilie and helped Mini take stuff to her new room. We watched an eppy of Doctor Who as well, which Obi really liked.
   Yesterday all we did was go to big Tesco for Christmas food and it was a bit of a nightmare but we made do and it took us only an hour. Then Obi napped while I skyped and then he skyped and stuff while I worked in the kitchen. Then he left to go meet some of his friends who are also in London for dinner. I had a mini-breakdown while he was gone because it's super stressful to have someone else staying in this tiny-ass room and he's been sick so that makes it worse. Also, I hadn't been sleeping until like 4am so I was extra-shot. I skyped with T, which made things better and then I skyped with Ben and Ashley. I also got my package from home finally and of course the minute I opened it up I started crying. I was at the end of my wire, people. But all in all, my sanity was restored. Obi went on the compy again while I did sudoku in the kitchen. We watched two episodes of Little Britain, which Obi REALLY liked, before bed. THEN I SLEPT SO HARD.
   Because things got better, I'm not SO bummed about being away for Christmas (though I never want to do it again). Michelle came over this morning because I made brunch. Obi is still off with his friends, so Michelle and I went to Sainsbury's to get some things. I can barely fit everything into my fridge. She and I just watched 500 Days of Summer. After all I've been through the last few months, I honestly feel like I'm not ok with the way that movie ends. Before, I was like, "This is bullshit, I want the quintessential romantic ending." But now it's ok and I really have a better understanding of life.
   I feel better because I know we're not going to be alone. Michelle is coming over for smorgasboard dinner which I also told Arif about, and then tomorrow she's doing brunch and we'll split up for skyping and then everyone's coming for Christmas dinner. Katie dropped out but Niko's taking a cab all the way from Hampstead so that makes me happy. It'll be a good day and night. Oh man, I bought THREE bottles of wine and only four people, shit, THREE maybe two will be drinking. I forgot Flynn doesn't drink. More wine for E, I guess. ;) Cheers, guys, and merry Christmas!

Going through the (e)Motions

   I think for me it's harder to forget than to forgive. Because even when things are good, that thing is still going to creep up on me, and it's going to knock down my self-esteem until you are here, telling me what it really was, what I really am to you. I am still not going to feel good enough from time to time, especially when all I want is for you to acknowledge what I've said to you, my apologies, my questions. I'm going to wonder how you thought I was done in such a short time, if you really thought that I could write everything off so quickly. That's going to hurt. I know it's in the past, but what happens if that's the future? How do we move forward through it? How could you not think it had to do with me? How? Even if 'us' wasn't happening, it still lurked so strongly in the background it was impossible to ignore. I just don't understand. And that's what gets me every time I think about it. Because I want to know but I don't because it hurts and not knowing hurts too. If I don't understand then I can't prevent it. Am I enough? Sexuality aside, am I? I hope so. I want you to acknowledge how much it hurts for me and how it affects the way I feel. I want you to know and tell me that you know, then I can feel better once you understand. My mantra is a countdown. You're the something good waiting at zero.

Last Day of the Semmy

   What a week. What a whirlwind of frantically reading for essay consultations to really get nothing out of the books, and calm essay writing and getting most of it done in one day, and conspiring with Charli, and good things and bad things. What are the most fun things?
   Winnie took me out to dinner on Wednesday night. We arranged to meet at Slug and Lettuce and I was an aggressive American and claimed a table as some people were leaving. One guy was waiting to get a cab so he was still sitting there and I chatted with him for a bit and it was really nice. I was like, "Holy shit talking to strangers." lol. He said it was nice to meet me before leaving. And then some drunkish guys came over to the table and asked if they could use the opposite corner of it. I said they could and then it was like four or five of them and they were a bit boisterous. Winnie came and went to the bar to order and I sat claiming the table. The guys were saying, "Oh she's alright, she's alright" and it's not like I couldn't see the one jerking his head towards me! So I looked up and one of them is like blatantly staring at me so I just gave him a really intense glare and then Winnie came back and said the bar was five deep so we left. We ended up at the Italian place next door which was fancy but chill and we got a bottle of wine and I got penne with salmon and a creamy sauce and it was amazing. And we talked for like two hours and it was supernice to catch up with her.
   OMG THEN GRAHAM. GRAHAM GRAHAM GRAHAM. I met up with Cathy and her boyfriend James at Waterloo campus and we went and got bracelets which each had a number on them so we could go away again because they let people into the studio based on that number. We were 217-219. We got back around 6:15 when they were going to start letting people in. It was kind of a clusterfuck and totally disorganized, but we waited it out. And waited. Things started slowing up and it became somewhat apparent that we might not get in. Somehow I didn't lose hope. Not even when they were like, "Eight more people" and it literally cut off around 210. My toes hurt they were so cold but I still wanted to wait around. Finally it was our group of three, another group of three, and a random guy and they came back out and were like, "We literally have three seats left, but they're not together." At that point, I was like, "WELL TAKE THEM." And we were able to because we had the lowest numbers. James left though because he wasn't that keen, but Cathy and I GOT TO GO IN. I was a little hysterical. She got seated way on the lefthand side of the studio and I was on the right next to an old couple and some gay guys. The couch area was like right in front of Cathy, not me. :( Omg though, it was so surreal being at that set. And the greatest thing is that is also on the RV1 route. SO MUCH STUFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
   So because there were literally five snowflakes, one of the guests was caught in traffic, everything was like 20 min late. They announced this, then a comedian came out for like 20 min and just got the audience excited. Then Graham finally came out and (filming hadn't started yet) did some comedy and talking to us in general. There were some technical difficulties with sound and they lined up the cameras and stuff (so weird! never been to a tv recording before). And apparently this was the new year's eve special, so no Cher. :( But finally the show started, but it stopped a little before the monologue due to sound problems. Then everything got underway. He had Louie, an X factor judge, some British actor, and an American actress who's on a British drama and who was quite dull. I was a little disappointed at that lineup but it was ok. I kind of had to watch stuff on the screen in front of me cus they were so far away. But it was still cool. There was an Irish rap improv duo. And then Eliza Dolittle, a singer, who was quite good. Blah blah and then it was over. And I was happy. AND I'M GOING AGAIN ON TUESDAY. But now I know to go earlier. Dear God I want that to be the Matt Smith eppy. I would DIE. DIE. die. Ahhhhh.
    Came home to ongoing flat drama, but now that everyone's left basically I don't care and I'm going to enjoy the silence. We had a fire drill at 2am last night and it wasn't ok. Somehow I still made it to class and dropped off a job app by the noon deadline, went to the library, and once I got out there was a freak snowstorm where the snow was almost hail-like in how heavy it was. I treated myself to a gingerbread latte at costa and then sat in the seminar room for 50 min watching podcasts. Now I've finished my empire essay I am going to waste time. Tonight is Emilie and Divya's going away shindig and then I will probs stop by Cathy's friend's Nightmare Before Christmas event and then I am going to sleep for ten years. Peace.

Catch up!

   Sooo quite a few good things going on in life! Last Thursday was my last day of Irish Lit and Jacobean Theatre. For Irish Lit, we arranged to meet up at the Chesire Cheese, a pub on Fleet Street where Yeats and company used to sit and plan big things for Ireland. It was your quintessential English pub full of old wood, uneven floor, lots of tiny rooms. I showed up early and stuck out like an American sore thumb and stood sipping cider reading our student newspaper. Then my professor showed up and I panicked for a minute thinking it was just going to be us two and how to make awkward conversation for 20 min before I left. But a lot of kids from class showed up like two min later.
   I talked literally like three times in that class and it was all the smart kids who talked all the time who showed up so I was a little nervous, especially when they started talking politics for the first ten minutes. (Thursday was the actual vote about tuition raises which did pass through Parliament.) Then I jumped in there and actually started talking to Sam, who is like the leader of the "astute" commentators from class. Our professor had to step away to make a phone call so I ended up talking more to the rest of the students, who were all incredibly nice! A lot of them introduced themselves, asked my name and shook my hand. It was nice that we all sort of got to chat even if class is over. I left after fifty min feeling happy.
  On Friday Niko and I went to Maughan and apparently I got dirty looks in the elevator because I had an enormous stack of 15 books, all for essays. I kind of wasted away the afternoon cus I was exhausted and didn't want to work. Charli and I were waiting for Alison to come back because we were supposed to go out for her birthday, but we didn't know they were coming from Oxford Street, so it took them an hour. Thus Charli and I sat in the kitchen, me in my coat, talking, which was actually really nice, cus we forged a bond through gossip. Alison finally made it home and we weren't actually going to go anywhere. So I went into my room and watched two straight eppys of Shameless until people came over for cake. Alison's friend Mark, who I've met before and like, came. But there was this other girl who was SO irritating. She literally had THREE phones because apparently some of her friends don't like her other friends and her bf doesn't like her talking to her ex so she talks to people on separate phones to make things "easier." I just thought she was dumb. And rude. So after playing the writing game (which was hilarious when we played with Flynn, and this time was like pulling teeth), I went back to my room. And watched more Shameless.
   I went to bed at midnight and did get out of bed until quarter to 11 in the morning. I had literally only gone to the kitchen to get dishes and poured myself a bowl of cereal, when Charli and I heard a knock at the door and it was Michelle, crying, saying she had thrown up blood and wanted to go to the hospital. So I called an ambulance and grabbed my shit and we went down. One guy came and took her vitals/stuff and then the actual ambulance came and then we drove to the hospital. Basically everyone was like, "nothing's wrong." We sat waiting for a nurse for like 15 min and she scolded us for calling an ambulance. We then waited in urgent care for 45 min for a 2 min session with the nurse who told Michelle to drink water and go home. And I missed High Tea with my friends. But I was glad to be there for Michelle.
   I got home and made myself breakfast at 2pm and watched Shameless. Finally, I set myself up at the kitchen table and worked literally for hours on history reading, stopping for minute breaks. Charli and I watched X Factor and Emilie came over for a bit. Then I did more work and skyped until too late. Yesterday was much the same thing. I didn't managed to install myself in the kitchen until after noon and worked for four hours before I took a real break. I probably got two or three more hours in after that, but I watched X factor finale with Charli and then went out to talk to Sam and Emilie while they smoked cigars (aka "bro time"). Then I watched more Shameless (you can't blame me cus season 6 is soooo good). Oh! My lightswitch fell off on Saturday night so I was without a big light until this morning, when a guy showed up. He's not an electrician, so all he could do was tape the switch back on which allows me to use the other one for the same light until the electrician can come. I got work done before noon though and did a lot. Took a two-hour break to watch the show, clean the bathroom, clean my room, make food. Then worked for two more hours.
   Upon that break, I made a trip to the public library. It was the first time I'd left gdsa since the hospital trip. And I hadn't even really realized that I hadn't left. It was weird walking up the street cus I was like, "Oh yeah, London." Then the library--seriously, public libraries are like HOME. They make me sooo happy. I got three cookbooks and then it was like fate that the Daphne du Maurier Companion was looking out at me from one of the shelves (I'm writing a final paper on one of her books). I left feeling happy then went to Costa Coffee and got a gingerbread latte, which was goooooood. I then sung Jingle Bells in my head all the way home. I'm almost never in such a blatantly good mood and only realized I was singing in my head after like five minutes.
   Oh yeah, and in addition to seeing Graham in just three days (btw CHER is going to be on!), I got e-mailed my ticket for Graham for a week from tomorrow and guess who's going to be on? MATT SMITH (new Doctor Who). Basically, shitting myself. Shit shit shit all over the place it's awesome. Dragging Obi along. Ahhh, I should do more essay research. What's up?

PATRICK WOLF

So basically, when I was in high school, I got into Patrick Wolf. The first day we had two and a half straight hours of orgo, I drove to CD Warehouse afterward and purchased The Magic Position, and I haven't looked back since. Steve once scolded me for playing it way too loudly in my car. I literally carried the album around with me for two days. I used to study for orgo to Wind in the Wires. Good times.

I went to Nina's and had some babycham (??) and we got dressed. I wore the dress Aunt Viv got me for my birthday, all black and gold pea-cocky (as Nina said). We did our makeup and Nina went all out--lots of star glitter, huge fake eyelashes, the works. We danced around to Patrick Wolf and talked about life. Then we faced the cold and caught a bus to Holborn area, where the gig was. We scouted out the queue and then went to Hummus Bros (i.e. my bf lolz cus he gave us free carrot sticks?). That was mostly cus I made some comment to him about how efficiently he packed up our food and it was awesome to behold. Yeah, I said that. *facepalm* But I meant it! Anyway, so I scarfed that shit down and we went and stood aside of the queue cus we had to pick up tickets and get the lift for Nina. So we were shown in a little early. Met Nina's friend Jenny, who's here from Germany on an internship. She was really nice. Bloomsbury ballroom is such a weird place. When we were let into the building, we still weren't allowed in the actual room for the concert. Instead, people again had to queue in a carpeted room with a bar and some tables and really artsy booths kind of stuck into the wall. Finn, Jenny and I went to the coat check upstairs and to get there, we walked this narrow hallway area that had more artsy booths on both sides and then a kitchen at the end! We decided we wanted to live there. We waited outside the doors to the actual venue until sometime after 8 and then we were let in first so Nina could a spot where no one was going to crowd up and block her view. Jenny and I acted as blockers to these kind of people. I have never stood so close to a stage for a show in my life. We were at the right facing the stage and I was literally the second row back. Kind of scared for the noise. We waited more until a little after 9 when Patrick finally came on!!
   He teased us, playing the opening to "Time of My Life" before launching into a different song. The noise level was honestly not that bad. I was a bit of an Elissa anxiety party pooper in the beginning, but then I just told myself, "Shit, girl, you're in London, seeing Patrick Wolf, this is a dream come true!" so I forgot my tiredness, the achy back and started dancing. One thing I dislike about live shows is they always mess with the tempo of songs that you really like, and for me, it makes it a little harder to relate to them, but it was ok. He played some of his new songs and I kept feeling like they really spoke to where I'm at in life. That's pretty cool. It was weird seeing him in person because he's not as skinny as he appears elsewhere, but when I thought about it, he's already 27. And he looked somehow more manly than I had previously thought. Lol. He was wearing a bright red jumpsuit sort of thing and jacket. Eventually the seam of his pants ripped clear from butt to crotch. We were all giggling about it.
   I was having such a good time that I was honestly bummed when he said goodnight. The crowd went a little bonkers and chanted and stuff and ten minutes later he came back out after a costume change. He played a song called "Bermondsey Street" which I rather liked and then he played Magic Position, the change in which I was ok with. It was awesome. Especially when he would come to our side of the stage. I could've literally touched him, he was that close. And I'm pretty sure we made eye contact at least once, which was cool to say for someone I've admired for so long.
   Nina, Jenny and I hung around for a bit. Jenny had to leave and finally Nina and I took off. She was bumming so I tried to cheer her up as best as I could. We went back to her flat, where I had left my stuff, and we talked a bit. I feel like we largely get each other, in important aspects of life. The Golden Girls. Yes. Then I went home by tube and was absolutely knackered. Got home about 12:15 and decompressed on skype with my brother and Ashley. Knocked out about 1 and got out of bed after 10 with glitter all over my face and huge bags under my eyes. Lol. And felt GRUBBY. Buuuut I changed my sheets and took a shower and I've uploaded loads more photos, so I'm going to peace out but check out those photos at:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=311240&id=552508884&ref=mf
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=311242&id=552508884&ref=mf
Please comment!

I am about to double blog. Are you ready?

   Due to the fact that I haven't updated in a week, there is much to say, although most of it will be focused on the latter half. To briefly sum up some days, last Thursday Michelle had Marina and me over for potato latkes and homemade applesauce for Hanukah. I ate like 7. Friday was Peep Show again, which was better than the premiere. Saturday I went all the way out to zone 2 (the boonies!) to go to Portobello Road, a market on that street. It was actually one of the best markets I've been to here cus they actually had a variety of stuff and I bought some postcards--one to send to Beth, and two as souvenirs for my wall because they were of the sex stores in Soho. On Saturday night I skyped with Neale for an hour, which was really nice cus we hadn't caught up in over a month. On Sunday I didn't really do anything because Emilie was sick so we had to reschedule High Tea. That night's skype session left me feeling really...confused.
   Largely. That feeling sort of carried over into Monday in the form of depression. I was kind of bumming around all day, even though I was super productive homework-wise and did my laundry. (Also, as a sidenote, that's two weeks now that my clothes haven't gotten completely dry so I've had to lay them all over the room and finish the drying on the heater--but on the plus side, my room always smells good, like fabric softener, for the next few days.) Just when I was despairing about feeling better, "An English Teacher" from Bye Bye Birdie came on shuffle, so I listened to the whole album and sang along with it, not worrying if my flatmates were listening or anything. I finished folding, and somehow I just randomly starting reorganizing my bulletin board and cleaned my junk/office supplies drawer and after all this, felt enormously better. Then I skyped with Ellen, which was totally nice. I really enjoy talking to her because she always offers up a totally different perspective than any that I would think, and it's refreshing even if it's sad or I am stubborn and don't want to hear it. (I promise I had a much more eloquent way of saying this but I put off blogging.)
   Before I went to bed, I went to the kitchen and chatted with Arun and Katherine for like twenty minutes and we all relived the previous night, when, at one in the morning, the majority of the flat heard one member having a particularly good time. I texted her about it, everyone else jossled her to no end, so she's making us a cake. I then had an idea to make a monkey poster taunting her, so indeed we took the picture of the monkey from the NME issue in the kitchen and stuck it on the bulletin board. Good times.
   On Tuesday, I was in the cocoon of warmth (as I am calling my bed in the hours before I leave it in the mornings) just having woken up from a bad dream about my father (will they ever end?) and noticed I had twenty minutes til I had to wake up. Effing 8:30 augh. Time went by fast and I was headed off to my last full Tuesday. Gordon was late so class was harried and then I ran into two people in the halls. Headed up to the computer lab and figured out which history question I actually want to do and then spent twenty minutes looking up books for it. Then went to Chapters, whereupon Robyn, Keith, and Brian eventually turned up. I am so glad that Robyn and I became friends. And sad that our class together has ended. It was a jovial lunch as usual, Elliot (Robyn's boyfriend) having joined us too. We talked about peanut butter. At one point, the 31-year-old man man, who I haven't seen since I was blown off WEEKS ago, showed up. He just sort of wandered over to where we were and came to say hi, all dopey smiley as usual. Kind of threw me for a loop. Funny how you can completely denounce someone and then they show up. We were chatting about Christmas, he's going home, but then he was saying, "Yeah, we should get coffee soon, or at least go for a walk or something." Ha, we'll see if that happens. Good thing I don't really care anymore. He had to get on, and then I faced comments about having more than one male suitor and lighting up "like a Christmas tree." Augh. And then I told Robyn, and lunch proceeded as usual.
   We had to leave as the cafeteria man was making rounds (he kicks you out once you're done eating cus seating is in high demand 12-2pm). So I went off to wait before class and Robyn was in denial that our class together was done. So we'll exchange phone numbers and do things over Christmas break cus she and Elliot are from London. Also, I have Literature and Psychoanalysis with Keith and Brian next semester. After Brit Lit and Cinema, I ran into them again--Robyn and Keith--and she gave me a big hug before I headed off to Maughan. Good people.
   Ok, now I knew from numerous e-mails that the library catalogue was going to be down Tues-Thurs. That's why I spent an hour Monday night looking up books to check out. Somehow I overlooked that this would also mean I couldn't check out books. But I went to Maughan, spending half an hour looking up all the books I would need for hist and Brit Lit, and the stack was so large I was holding it in place under my chin. I get downstairs and then the woman tells me I won't be able to check them out. I know I was a little rude, but I was like, "Oh, well you guys have to put them back!" It would've been so easy to sink into despair, and a tiny part of me wanted to cry in frustration, but I deep breathed a little bit and kept telling myself I could come back and do it in a few days and it was ok. I didn't want to work in the library because I wasn't in the mindset. So I went back to Chapters and sat listening to music until Irish Lit. At the end of that class, our prof thanked us for being so attentive in all the lectures and made some comment about if we were pretending or not. Such a cute, awkward little man. Then there was spontaneous applause which was kind of funny. And then I left to go to Nina's.

"My phone is a droid and I didn't know it!" -Mum

So I'm sorry about the horrid post before. It was a truly rough three or so days. Emotional breakdown. Remedied though. Chugging on with life with the knowledge that it's all relatively ok! Also, I have amazing friends and family. T, Ben, Obi, Emilie (for asking me out for a drink, for always texting me to do stuff even though I have to say no a lot). Speaking of that drink, I was soooo emotionally drained and tired but we went to the Roebuck after four hours on the computer of putting a band-aid over my life's problems. Basically, a pint kind of made me a little woooooo, I told Sam he looks like a cat (which he does and which he acknowledged that I would say to him regardless of alcohol intake). Mostly I am happy in that area because I can be really weird and it's funny and not socially off-putting. We were there until about midnight. I went home on my own, first, because I was so tired. But I was really glad to end the day not shut up in my room mulling in the leftovers of feeling bad. Because to be honest, I could still get downish but it's not good to dwell, and I'm happy again. I can enjoy London again. And I SLEPT for the first time in over a week. Well, I woke up too early (ten past eight) but I slept soundly for most of the night. My conscience was cleared. I did lay in bed until like half past nine though, in a nearly sleeping thinking daze. I relished the fact that there were no doors slamming, no talking in the hall or kitchen, so I was able to maintain that inner peace.

The quiet continued like all day, so I was actually able to do lots of work in my room in the afternoon. It felt good to not be in the library for once and I was productive. I also skyped with Ben again and Violet waved at me and smiled. I caught the bus to strand area and I got my eyebrows threaded for the first time (it was a half off deal--only five pounds!!). Let me tell you, that's the weirdest sensation. I'm not very good with that or plucking, so I was curling my toe really hard in my shoe so it sounded like a fart and that was awkward. But she knew I was in painish so she chilled down. Then I went to Creative Writing Society and generally chatted a lot. Workshopping Katie's story made me really anxious to write. I read on the way home and took a shower and immediately sat down and finally put the thoughts to the page. It was a little mental vomit-y but I'll edit in a few days. Erotic scenes, go!! Submitted a different piece of erotica to RC Review. Skyped with Mum a bit, straightened away a few things up, and then got the other great news of the night.

People, my London dreams are coming true. So far I have been able to cross Kate Nash off my list. In just six days, I am seeing Patrick Wolf, and I fucking love him. You don't even know. He was my gift to myself for making it through two and a half hours of Organic Chemistry. I am seeing him. In London. And THEN Cathy writes on my wall with almost greater news: she got tickets to Graham (this also means that I might get tickets to Graham and get to see him twice!). I have been watching him since I was at least a junior in high school and his show always makes me laugh and makes me happy. December 16th. I really hope next semester can keep up.

The Cold

I guess I should have known that such great days would be followed by a slump. Whennnn will it get easier?? Dear god let it be at least January and let me not worry about money and let me shsooooooooooooooooon.

I had a busy weekend.
Friday: Winter Carnival (German-themed with American carnival rides) in Hyde Park. FRIGID. Tried mulled wine (red wine brought to just under a boil, infused with cinnamon and spices, served warm. Peep Show premiere. <3 Mark and Jez.
Saturday: OODLES of laundry with Michelle. Sex shops in Soho with Marina. Thanksgiving dinner cooked by Michelle with two Germans. The heater in Michelle's kitchen doesn't work. I kept my coat on all night.
Sunday: Five hours of shopping in Brick Lane with Nina. Cold but good. Didn't find anything--think my body type somewhat doomed to find winter skirts that look good.
**I know I said I would take lots of pictures, but honestly, if you were here, you would not dare take your hands out of your pockets either. The cold is different here. It's only in the 20s (F) but the cold seeps into you faster. In Michigan your ears get cold fast. I don't have an ear problem so much as a toes/legs problem here. Well, and if out for too long, my hands literally stop moving. 
All together: not enough homework done so I spent 4.5 hours in the library today and basically after reading a 100-page play I ceased to absorb anything so I stopped struggling through it and left. 

I want old. I want new. I want the old in the new setting, the old in the now. It really sucks when the page in front of you goes blurry and you know you have to make it to the bus stop, the bus ride, Sainsbury's, the walk home in the cold before you reach the safety of your room and then it's gone. Imh SO MUCH.

Happy Thanksgiving

   Yesterday was GOOD. I kind of was all over the place in the morning because I had to prepare to leave from like noon until at least 9pm. I arranged to go to a museum with Kristen and Marina. It goes to show how far we've come since the beginning. Hopped on the tube after topping up at the convenience store across the street (the Indian owner is awfully chatty and nice) and went to Moorgate, which is one of those outsideish tube stations that has like multiple tracks and is kind of intense. I totally navigated everything with ease and got off at Barbicon and it was a straight shot to Museum of London. I hadn't seen the other for weeks and it was nice to meet up and do a chill walk through of the museum (it was Britain hundreds of thousands of years ago to the present, focusing on London obviously). We went to the pub next door afterward cus their sign advertised mulled wine (wine served warm infused with cinnamon, etc.). They didn't have any though! We wandered along the street and went to another pub, but the barmaid said that they probably would start serving it only in the next week. So we just went to Tesco. Lol! I did the lunch deal for two pounds and got a sandwich (salmon and cucumber ftw!), apple slices and a water. Then I just left cus they were going back home and I needed to go to the library.
   Let me tell you, you can google directions all you want but when you come up from the tube it can get disorienting. I wandered along freezing my hands off cus I was eating my sandwich and hoping I was on the right side of the street and looking for the neighborhood maps that are a godsend. I didn't find any of those but finally I realized I was in Covent Garden and saw the Pizza Express with the creepy Italian men. I missed Chancery Lane and ended up walking down Kingsway, which is REALLY out of the way to get to the library. My lazy ass hopped on the bus which took me around the corner but trust me, it saved me time and gave me a bit of warmth. I was at Maughan for like two hours and the WHOLE time the offprint article I needed was checked out. I must have gone to short loan like five times. Anyway, I read for Brit Lit and then went to the PAWS (computer lab) room to read an article. Then I went to Strand for the Inua Ellams poetry reading. He's a Nigerian poet who is London-based. Creative Writing Soc brought him in. I like his stuff read aloud a lot better than on the page. I liked the way he talked with his hands. He was a bit pretentious though, as I guess you could say about a lot of poets. It was fun though. Everyone got to him first so my idea of having him sign his book was lame by then but I had him sign it anyway. I left while there were still a bunch of people milling around and I was still waiting for the bus when they all came out. When RV1 came, Inua was standing just by the opening. I smiled at him (it felt like a grimace) and I don't think he recognized me!! Lol. By the time I got on the bus and sat at the window, he had realized that he had just signed a book for me and smiled and waved. Awkward. Ohhhh Obi. Yeah so I came home and had to do my grocery shopping at Tesco and then I talked to Obi for like two hours. <3
   Today I was supposed to skype with John for Thanksgiving but he wrote on my wall that he was lost in Tokyo so he didn't show. I drank tea and wasn't productive. I watched half an eppy of Shameless. During my break I booked it to Maughan and read the offprint which actually added a lot to my presentation in Jacobean theatre. For just having to answer a question in class, I was terrified. Like sick stomach and shaky. I'm just so scared of saying something incredibly stupid and having everyone think that I'm the stupid American girl. So basically I prattled through my answer practically reading off my paper and saying "like" too much and almost getting stuck. It was awkward. And I have to do it again next week.
   45 min later I met up with Abigail to walk to the Globe. I really only started talking to her in depth this morning before Irish Lit but we agreed to walk together cus she's directionally challenged even though she's from London. There were about 15 of us. Gordon, my Jacobean Theatre teacher, arranged a tour of the Globe by one of his old PhD students. The Globe is an open-air theatre so it was freezing. We basically walked around the stage and backstage and talked about stage directions and projection. Those were the two most important things I learned. Then we went to a pub literally around the corner from my flat! I'd never been there but it's famous. It was a bunch of little rooms and it was packed so there was no great place for us all to sit and it was just awkward. Waiting at the bar to order is awkward. I just left because I knew it was too heinously disorganized and I had mac'n'cheese at home. Came home and had Kraft for dinner (thanksgiving!) and made chili for later days. Now I'm just not being productive. I'm about to do a Graham pick-me-up. Heavens, how I love him! And hope I can get tickets to his show!!

Hey there

   So I think I am going to blog now just to keep myself caught up, and because I don't think I have time to get much else done before I have to leave for the day. I think I might have to live on pasties for the rest of my life...ANYWAY. Obineche Sean came to visit me and I didn't get a chance to see him until Friday afternoon. Due to my lack of directional skills and his lack of coins to make longer than a 14 second phone call we didn't actually get together until an hour after we said. But we finally made it. And it was beautiful. I was so mesmerized by him that I got us lost leaving Trafalgar Square...twice. But I figured it out and I got a pasty for dinner and we went to Chapters (cafeteria at Strand) and just talked for an hour and a half. I swear, being with one of my best friends from home, the world went hazy around me and it was just us talking about middle school and high school and laughing at ridiculous things. It was good. And by good, I truly mean that.
   Emilie had invited us out to get drinks at this bar that had a half-off happy hour so we met up with her, Divya, and Sam and went to Jewel. Sooooooo trendy. Uber trend!! But still cool. There was nowhere to sit that wasn't reserved, but we managed to find five stools around near one of the like five bars there. It didn't quite make conversation that great but it was ok. Obi and I left early because he had to get to a theatre for Harry Potter. We waited ages for RV1 and the whole time he was flipping out a little bit so we got off at Southwark Station to take the tube. His friends apparently were later than he was but whatevs. I was a little wangwung (?) and talked to another best friend. Difficult.
   We had a fire drill at quarter to 6 on Saturday morning. We stood outside for 20 minutes. It took me an hour to fall back asleep and I wasn't happy. So it was quite painful to make myself get out of bed at 9:30. This time I was ten minutes late, but Obi said he was too and it took us only ten minutes to find each other. But we did. Outside Harrods, which we then explored. And dear sweet Jesus, Harrods. The food halls were amazing. We spent the most time in the Christmas area, which was soooo movie Christmas. And cheery. They had a bunch of Christmas ornaments that just said "Harrods 2010" on them in glitter, which I was like, "Whyyy?" Especially because they were 7-10 pounds (cost). I didn't even want to attempt to walk through women's clothes in my state, so we passed through men's clothing. Cue Prada CASE--i.e. locked case of legit Prada clothes that you can't even touch unless you have the money to buy. Yup. Then we kind of realized we were done. Obi wanted to sit so we attempted a Starbucks down the street but it was really full so we walked on. It was cold so I decided to skip Hyde Park, which is just down the street from Harrods. We got slightly lost trying to find a tube station because one entrance we passed was closed for construction. Upon doubling back we realized there was one across the street so we went to Holborn, where we found another Starbucks, under the presumption that we would rest and then tackle the British Museum. We stayed in Starbucks and talked for another hour or so and after that, neither of us wanted to do anything so we went home. Well, we dropped things off and then we went to Sainsbury's to get the rest of the food for dinner. Then we came back to my room and hung out, went to the computer lab so we could print off boarding passes and I refigured Christmas break plans, which cost me more money AUGH AUGH.
   Finally, we made dinner to the tunes of my "OBI LONDON VISIT PLAYLIST." Magical. Alison had some friends over and they were making dumplings, so she was to knock on my door when they were ready. Obi skyped with some people from home. Then we went in and ate sweet dumplings and talked and ate savory dumplings and nearly exploded. Obi took a 20 min nap in my room, only waking up when I came in to get my keys so I could let Emilie in. He was very disoriented, thinking at first he was at his host mom's house, then his hostel, then realizing he was at mine. We all played cards for like 45 min and then a lot of people left, so it was Alison, Mark, Obi, and I who went down to play some pool and ping pong. Boy, what a mess. There was tribal and victory dancing and falling on the floor and lots of scratching. One shot I took I was totally confident and it was a beautiful shot, only I sent the cue ball straight into the hole without really touching another ball. Ping pong was almost worse but we agreed that Alison would work wonders on ANTM action shots because she is the most graceful ping pong player I've ever seen. I had to call it a night after two games on my part, so Obi and I chatted a bit in my room before I sent him off on his way. Then I skyped with Ben and Mum and went to bed. (Steve, you should be around to make a four-way skype!)
   Sunday morning was brill. Made an egg scramble with tomato and onion and feta and watched Psych in my uber-grub state. Happy. Then took amazing shower and got work done for the rest of the day. I don't really remember. But on Monday I got out by noon to go to the library. Before that I digress a little bit--for those of you I haven't told, it gets dark here literally at 4pm. Yesterday weather.com said sunset was at 4:02. It's horrible. It makes you feel like you don't want to leave your house. So when I was on the bus at quarter to 12 it felt like mid-afternoon already, which was totally weird. But anyway. I went to Maughan and staked out a spot in the circular reading room. And read. And read. For three and a half hours. I got through three readings and a PB&J. Then I went home. I stopped at the public library on the way to check out a Shakespeare book for next week. In that section there was a book by Jo Brand from 1994. I checked it out and am reading it. Right next to poetry and plays was the LGBT section with books that looked suspiciously like erotica. I will work up the courage to check that section out. On the way out, I saw cooking. It happened. I checked out ONE book. THEN I saw their Bollywood dvd section. Do you know what this all did to me? SHELVES and SHELVES of Bollywood. The only thing that stopped me is that they charge to check out movies. But I will live there during winter break. So I came away with four books stacked high in my arms and a giddy mood.
   Then I came home and read more! A play for Irish Lit called Translations. Made dinner and then had four hours of nothing because I had been so productive all day! Finally, yesterday was another long Tuesday and at only like 1pm I was dying and couldn't believe how long I still had to go. That's one reason why I can't wait til next semester. That long of a day just kills me inside now. And I have that nagging feeling about papers in the back of my mind now. Augh. (Cus over here they don't do exams before break. I have one essay due on the last day of class but then I have one 3500 word essay and one 4000 essay due the day we get back, along with an essay exam that I will have to prepare for over break that I will take the first week I get back. Where is the time for fun?!)
   Ahhh, there you have it. My life. 

"Love? What is love?" ...I think that's something like it

   So there hasn't been a ton to report in the past week but I'll give important recaps, or at least recaps for my own benefit.

Last Friday Chris came to London because we got tickets to see Chris Potter, a saxophonist, who was performing at Ronnie Scott's (jazz club in West End) for the London Jazz Festival. OMG he was amazing. Chris and I, even though we basically had standing room only seats, managed to get a table for two tucked into a sort of corner but with a view of the stage. CP opened with Arjuna and from there played some songs he hadn't yet recorded. I was so excited the whole time. Chris and I really enjoyed ourselves. Our waiter was also super nice to us. I tried a grape martini. CP played a bass clarinet a bit. I enjoyed watching the drummer (they're always the best to watch, we agreed). It was a good time. We went back to my flat after purchasing some cider and played cards and the writing game (HILARIOUS) with Alison, Flynn, and Arif. It was a good night that didn't end until like 2am. The next day when we finally got a move on, Chris and I went to the Imperial War Museum. I had felt rushed my first time through, so we spent over two and a half hours there, and we went to the Holocaust exhibit. It was so extensive that we were in there alone for at least an hour. I came out first, not feeling well and generally feeling emotionally overwhelmed. I waited for Chris for ten minutes and I think he had it worse because he asked for a hug when he came out. I remedied the situation the next day by finally watching Inglourious Basterds.

Classes started up again this week, though with minimal reading and one of them was cancelled. I went to big Tesco yesterday and was completely on budget, which always makes me extremely proud of myself, especially since I bought a big tub of nutella and other things I don't necessarily need. I can't wait until Irish Lit is over because I am not really into it. I never have things to say in seminar because I'm too intimidated. I think I am pretty much just ready for new classes I am actually interested in.

But omg, last night was the best. It was "the Legacy of the Corpse Bride"--an event for Creative Writing Society in the CRYPT on Guy's campus. Whoa, firreal. So the board of cw were all in costume and had characters and it was a murder mystery where the bride died before the wedding and we had to talk to all the characters and figure out whodunnit. It was kind of awkward at first but it got more fun as we went along. By the end, we had about three theories and one of mine was the actual thing--that she killed herself because there was so much shit going on in her life. Also, Korrie was the groom and it was hysterical because we went over to question him and he just was so stiff and kept saying things like, "I have many prize-winning ponies!" and he was kind of a pompous asshole, which kept making me laugh. Then we got to explore the actual crypt, which wasn't anything more than boarded up sarcophagi dating back to the 1700s (and there was a baby). It was still creepyish, especially since a lot of us had to walk home and it was kind of raining. We formed a big group of non-board members since we were all heading more or less in the same direction. I adore cws.

Which is my favourite eppy of Friends?

Can you guess what I made for dinner tonight?
Is it weird that "Sellotape" makes me want to cry (a little bit)?
2450/2500 words. Only 3 sources.
Had drinks with Cathy at Slug and Lettuce this evening. Slug and Lettuce is a chain but it was quite nice and trendy. 2-4-1 drinks special is amazing. Cathy is cool--we will go to burlesque stuff together and fetish clubs.
I only slightly resisted the urge to sing loudly in a falsetto in the kitchen, in my room, in the shower. I laughed to myself on the street imaging one of my flatmates knocking on my door to tell me to cut it out. I was only quietish in the kitchen.
Also, last night was relatively good. Low key creative writing meeting just talking cus it was only like 9 of us. Watched Due Date with some peeps and it made me feel like I was home but I was depressed when I realized I was still in London. American movies make me feel closer to home. It was only ok though.
Will you still let me down?
Will I romanticize everything and muck it up?
It's hard to stay that open.

It's Reading Week-->love/hate relationship with my computer

   Saturday night I went to Nando's for the first time with Winnie and I had two glasses of wine and I was a bit goneish in the restaurant, but it helped to like start talking more about random shit that otherwise I would deem irrelevant. We had a good night, though I was home before 9:30 cus Cambridge was the next day. It was nice to get out of the flat because my essay was hanging over my head and it was kind of lonely.
   I woke up at fucking 7:30 in the morning on Sunday. It sucked. But I did it for Chris Davis. And because it was so early, I felt illish and took my time and missed the 9:15 train that I had planned on taking. The next one didn't leave until 9:52. King's Cross was huge and there were pigeons and it was cold. The train was just sitting at the platform with no announcement that that was the train but it ended up being the correct one. It left just on time, unthinkable to one who has frequently used Amtrak. Of course I couldn't read at all--it was my first time out of London!! Eventually I put on some suitable music and watched the quintessential English countryside go by (there were SHEEP and spotted horses!). Pulled into Cambridge and had to wait like ten min for Chris but it was so exciting to see him. We walked up a street and kind of took a nicer way back to his dorm. The campus is beautiful. I hope you looked at my pictures on facebook. Apparently most of the grass is off limits in terms of walking on it so we relished walking on what we could. I was starving, so we hung around in his room until the food place opened.
   After having worked in EQ's dining hall for a year and a half, going to theirs was oddddd. No gloves, and they have to wear freaking vests and bowtie-type things. I got a sausage, an egg, some hashbrowns and a yogurt container. Chris opted for the baked beans as well. We sat with his friend Theresa from Brown, also on study abroad, and she was really cool. The dining hall was like what you would see in Hogwarts, only three superlong tables. We stopped at Chris' room really briefly again before checking out the Fitzwilliam Museum, which was full of art. I was soooo tired and didn't feel well during the tail end of it. :( The gift shop was really cool--it was like the open air but not space from the V&A, where the roof was just glass so the whole space was very bright and nice. They offered tons of postcards but they were quite pricey. We walked around the town after that, college after college. There was lots of live music in the streets amplified. We stopped in a few shops, like Octopus (I think--trendy kitchen shop. For example, whisks were squids!), Hotel Chocolat (YUM), and this wool shop, where I was reminded that Chris has a thing for needing to feel every material. Then we went to Sainsbury's, where we got some wine and cheese and water crackers for later. We then walked back to his dorm and I played Bananagrams for the first time. I didn't get to peel until the second game, and I think we basically ended on a tie. I made "cunt" and "os" and was really proud of myself.
   Finally the dining hall opened again, and Theresa came knocking to go down to dinner. The place was really dim and freezing. Apparently around 7:30 they begin to kick people out because at that point is a formal dinner which one must purchase tickets for days beforehand and wear fancy clothes and a robe to. It costs around 10 pounds for a three-course meal which Chris said is pretty good and offered it to me, but I didn't want to bring extra clothes. After dinner we went back to Chris' room and had wine and cheese and talked and watched videos and it was really fun. I was so tired so I decided to catch a train shortly after 9. Chris walked me to the train station and saw me off. The train home was non-stop and I just listened to music and reflected. Oh, Chris did indeed serenade me a bit on the ukelele like he promised when I was down, and he gave me LOTS of new music (thank fuck!). Also, before I left he said he hoped it had been a good visit to me, and he gave me a really good hug (I'm a sap, I know) and I just felt really happy to have a good friend in my life.
   Anyway, I got back to King's Cross and took the tube home cus it brought me to a safe drop-off point than the bus. I smiled to myself because I knew, back when I first came here, that at some point I would be able to take the tube by myself without batting an eyelash, but at the beginning, the idea terrified me because it seemed so complicated. Hmmm, somewhere along the way I was charged 4 pounds for nothing but oh well.
   So I got home at quarter to 11 fucking exhausted. Took a shower and then basically straightened out a rather important aspect of my life. Well, things are as ok as they're going to be for awhile. I am happy for the resolution, but...life. Stayed up til 1 and crawled my ass into bed.
   On Monday I didn't get out of PJs until mid-afternoon because I had no clean pants. Had to borrow Michelle's sweats to do laundry in, felt like a grub-pot all day. Spent forever putting new music on iPod. Watched a lot of tv online. I don't even know what exactly I did to be honest--feel like I wasted most of the day. I did skype with Obi for like an hour which made me really happy. He's super excited for his visit in a week and a half. I am excited for Chris to be here and to see Chris Potter. So the night did end up getting better though because, even though most of the laundry didn't get fully dry, I spent an hour with naked/clothes time with shirts draped everywhere in my room, trying things on and listening to music and being happier. I turned off the computer at 11:15 and then read for half an hour. Finally started "Eat Me" which is making me happy but also quite nostalgic. Went to bed happy overall at quarter to midnight and didn't get out of bed until 10:30 this morning.
   Made myself be productive cus first essay is due on Friday. Read an article, made notes. Couldn't stare at computer anymore...so went to computer lab and booked hostels for Spain (planes fucked...doing that tomorrow). At least I got dressed. Had planned on going to jazz at the waterfront but no one to go with, didn't want to go out into the cold if I didn't have to. Sat and listened to Flight of the Conchords RADIO SHOW (Did you know this?!) and did sudoku for an hour before bringing computer into kitchen to start essay. Hate everything because stressed due to different requirements in UK. They want a certain word count, not page count. Stressing cus Niko's got 10 sources, and I have maybe 4, chiefly using ONE. Augh. Alison came home and made dinner, so I left paper and made dinner and chatted with her and Katherine before bringing computer BACK to work more on essay. Scared about it. Give up. Eyes hurt. Head hurts. Talk for an hour with them and Arun about our first impressions of each other. Arun surprised to learn that I thought he was an asshole for like the first three days and thought I'd never be friends with him. :-P Back in room. Not having class is good but not good. Sigh.

Go to, go to

   Again in hate with libraries--this time Senate House. Weirdish Friday.
   Last night I didn't have much to do so I wrote for like two hours and finished some new erotica. I was really excited about it and popped my head in the kitchen to ask Arun and Katherine if they wanted to hear it when I was done. So they collected Charli and I read it to all of them when I had finished it and it was well received. What was really nice was that it opened up some dialogue between us as flatmates kind of about what I am going through right now and what we've all gone through in the past. Overall, I felt reconnected with them as flatmates, which was really nice, and it kind of reinforced that should real emotional shit go down, everyone has each others' backs. The three of us just sat around for like two hours (like in the beginning!) and just talked, somewhat losing track of time before I decided I needed bed. It was good.
   Tonight I went to Michelle's Tonight We Cabaret. I kind of went with Sophie and finally met Jingan, so that was nice to put a face to the name. There were mostly singers and some were really amazing. Michelle wrote a monologue which she performed and everyone loved it. OMG the guy who performed in the interval was AMAZING. He is apparently a member of All the King's Men, an acapella group on campus. He basically just sat with a pianist and sang Michael Bubleish, jazzy, cabaret-y tunes, almost better than Buble. AND he played trumpet. He and Michelle were def. my favorites.
   Michelle and I left shortly after she performed, stopping at Sainsbury's for snacks/dinner. We came back to my flat and basically ate and talked for two hours and it was really nice to reconnect with her as well. I think I should make it a point to take time out for people because it makes me feel overall happier to feel like I have good relationships in my life. I should go to bed soon, but I needed some time to defrag on my own. Oh, I wrote a letter of sorts today. It sorted things out a bit, but also muddled things up more. But it was good to figure out my thoughts, to get them out of my head. And I participated once in my history seminar. It's a start.

...to whom?

Happy!

   Ok! So I slept the HELL in today. I woke up at 9:45, no slamming doors or anything!! Awesome. The morning and early afternoon had a very weird feel to them. I changed my sheets and I made my bed (I got a patterned duvet cover this time!!) and it looks soooooo pristine!!! Like really orderly but I want to curl up in it at the same time. It just made me quite happy. So I did some reading in the kitchen then made lunch. My goal was to be gone by 2 to the library to get books and do reading, but I ended up going to the computer room first to buy tickets to Cambridge so I could print. Buuuuut, after the website was really finicky it ended up declining my card (dunno why) so I gave up and left. Did an hour and a half of work at Maughan before walking to a pub on the Strand where we were supposed to meet for Creative Writing Soc. Ok so, this was a very Englishy English pub. I got carded. Wtf. I gave the girl my Michigan ID and she was super skeptical about it and asked me if I had other ID on me, and I said all I had was my king's ID card. But she took the Michigan ID. I mean, all I got was a half pint of cider. I think I was carded because I had my backpack and the average age of the people in the pub was like 65+. Lol. That was just interesting.
   So then I sat at the bar and drank my cider. I was a little early. After I was done, I kind of gave up the excuse of playing with my phone, so I went outside and there was a girl there who guessed from my look that I was to meet up for the same thing. She was from the English Soc. Then Greg from history came and we decided to go back inside. He and I chatted and more people came. My earring broke! I gave Argula directions on the phone and she came. Then we walked to the theatre, and I chatted with this one girl I had met before at a meeting but I forget her name. Her boyfriend goes to Cambridge and she's actually going there this weekend so we were talking about stuff to do there. So the talk we went to was Margaret Atwood and some science-y guy with a person in the middle sort of mediating questions. Basically, creative writing's plans changed to this yesterday so I had no idea what to expect and it was fine until the end, when my attention wandered and I had to pee sooooo badly. I walked back up to Strand and ran into Alison and then Kleio and we all talked for a bit then Alison and I took the bus home together.
   I've watched two episodes of Shameless today. I was basically heartbroken when I caught up with Peep Show but now I'm getting into Shameless a bit more. After that it's Doctor Who, then I'm rewatching Coupling (I started missing it today). Or maybe Coupling before, cus it might be nice to go back to a 30 min show. But I've been running into Robin a bit lately and yesterday I met her boyfriend who she's always talking about (and at least one other guy who's studying English), and she had turned to her boyfriend to say that I wanted to go to Cardiff with them for Doctor Who should that ever happen, so maybe I should get on that shit. Anyways, it was a good day.

   Oh, and the latest Christmas break news is that Michelle can't go on the trip at all. So basically we're staying in London for Christmas. Obi is most likely coming here for about a week. I've mostly convinced Emilie to stay for Christmas. Then I'm going to Spain for new year's. I went through a brief period where I wanted nothing more than to go home for at least Christmas, but 1. Money. 2. It would only be like just over a week. 3. It would upset everything that now hangs in a delicate (or non-existent) balance.

gooooooooooooood.

Reflection and other things

I love two and a half years ago. And I'm ok with that. It only makes me a little sad. But I try to be objective somehow.

I've come quite a long way.

I can't believe it's Monday. Last night was good. We began around 7. Alison made savory pumpkin pancakes--basically just pumpkin innards mixed with flour, green onions and some salt. They were good. Shubha made pumpkin pie and there were also pumpkin seeds. WE HAD SKITTLE VODKA. (That is a shot of vodka with a skittle put in it and left to ferment for a few days until the skittle has dissolved.) That stuff was good. It ended up being a girl's night--all the girls in the flat except Hari. I actually really enjoyed it. We watched the Blair Witch Project in the dark, with only the pumpkin lit and the light from the huge window coming in behind us. Hari came in at one point and scared the shit out of us and the movie basically scared the shit out of us. (When I was trying to go to sleep all I could picture was the last scene.) After that we watched some of the extras from New Moon to laugh at them and made it a drinking came in that we had to drink every time they talked about the "evolution" or "transformation" or "boy to man" of Jacob, every time we saw naked torso, every time there was angst, etc. It was really fun to just let loose with the flat.

Today I had to pry myself out of bed, though I was woken up officially before 8 due to slamming doors. I made some toast and talked to Hari a bit. Then I did work for a few hours and after that met up with Emilie and Mini, then Divya and their friend Sam, to go to My Old Dutch, which is a well-known Dutch pancake house in Bloomsbury. On Mondays they do pancakes for 5 pounds. I got the smoked salmon (normally nearly 10 pounds) in a creamy dill sauce with mushrooms but I really only ended up eating the salmon as the pancake part just didn't mesh well with the rest of it. After that I came home and did more hw and watched another eppy of Shameless. I feel like the weekend was sooo long (iknoy) and it's weird to be going back to school tomorrow. But it must be faced! One more week til reading week and that'll go by faster than I realize cus I have my first ever essay due a week from Friday and I haven't even looked at the topics. Annnnd I'm busy like every night through Friday. Such is life, I suppose. Also, I have purple nail polish!!!

:)

   Ok so. I was unaware that last night was a legit Halloweeny type thing and I had barely enough time to get some hw done to even think of putting together a sucky ass costume, so I was an "angsty teenager", something I do rather well, if I don't say so myself. Michelle and I met up with her friend Sophie in Bloomsbury and we went to the free bowling alley party which was lame and the bar was full. We got cocktails and ended up near the like five only lanes of bowling around a table talking. I got a Pin-up Girl and it was sooooo good. Vodka and fruitiness yum yum. We left that place because it was not happening and went to the other bowling alley party that we had to pay 7 pounds to get into. That was fine, the paying of the money. I was going to get a cider, cus they advertised for 2 pounds, but apparently that was the non-alcoholic one so I didn't want to throw away my money. Sophie, who had just gotten a paycheck, offered to buy us drinks, so I ended up getting that cider anyway. We staked out a comfy couch and talked for like twoish hours because we went out so early that nothing was happening yet. They were playing cool funk music, people were eating (the largest pizza I've ever seen in real life), people were bowling (again like 5 lanes). Then this duo DJ set came on and they beat-boxed and rapped and it was ok. Finally, around 10:30, a really sweet band came on. It was just two guys with synthesizers and one of them sang, but it was so danceable and so much fun. Michelle worked it out with some guy, so Sophie and I danced together most of the night. I admit, at the beginning I was super skeptical and kept looking at the time, thinking I would wait til 11 to be a lame ass and want to go home, but dancing and the good music made it all the better. It was really fun. After the band's set was done, we went to the door to get some air and then headed back down to dance some more. At that point there were just DJs playing, and it was fun for a short time more, then I got a little bored and too hot, so Sophie and I kind of agreed to leave. We went close to the door and sat and waited for Michelle, who came along like ten minutes later and reprimanded us for leaving her with a guy she didn't know. Our bad! Won't do that again.
  Sophie lived nearby so she walked home and Michelle and I waited for the bus. She was drunk and was quite talkative and it was funny and I was happy. And tired. We left around midnight and the bus took sooo long it felt like. It seems like traffic gets crazier the later at night in London, but maybe it was Halloween-induced. Anyway, we got off a stop too soon (which we've done once before), and had to walk farther home. At least because it was Halloween there tons of people about and that long way wasn't as shady as it was before. (Or was it shadier because of the drunk people?) But as Michelle kept saying, at least we were together. So we made our way home and at one point we came upon like five drunk and lost guys who asked us what street we were on. Misunderstanding them, they went to turn away when I finally got it and gave British people directions! Lol and the one guy was like, "Thank you. You're gorgeous, you are," before turning away to his friends. Entertaining. We finally got home around 1 and Sophie had texted to say she got home safely. I went up to my room and didn't go to bed until around 2, because my peoples were online and I got to talk to them. Wish Rachel had been there. Miss dancing with her!!
   Didn't sleep the greatest, woke up sad. Going to be awhile before that will go away. Didn't realize that the time change was last night (I had thought it was tonight) until Hari came in the kitchen and said. Made poached eggs on toast (not nice without garbage disposal) and sat in the kitchen finishing Goldfinger. Sad, because I really liked it. Now Emilie had invited me out to "Fuck me it's Halloween" at Debut tonight, but at this point, I don't want to go and jinx the good vibes and also I'd probably die of tiredness after last night. Sooo I shall just stay in with the flatmates and watch hopefully good movies and Alison is cooking again and the skittle vodka has been fermenting for a few days. I haven't showered yet and I'm, as Michelle and Claire would say, "nast." I'm not sure if it's me or something in the kitchen that smells vaguely of vomit. But I didn't vomit. Kind of gross. Oh vell.

Ham and cheese and tears

   So yesterday was supposed to be another fun museum day but in the end people were busy and then I didn't feel well, so I just wanted to go home after class. I fucked around for two hours, but I got to skype with Chelsey and she largely made me happier than I was before. The evening was a bit boring. Half my flat is home for the weekend, so I ended up reading for two hours in the kitchen, meeting Arif's sister, and then watching an eppy of Shameless (James McAvoy!!!). Emilie needed a study break, so I went to her flat and met Divya and we first played BS with her flatmate from Romania. Then us girls just chatted for another hour and a half and had a college hoodie party and then we walked Divya to the bus stop after midnight. Yes, walking around London in my pajamas, no bra, and borrowed Uggs. Then I came home and went to bed and it wasn't great sleep because I had a lot on my mind and then I awoke at 4AM to drunk people in the courtyard and Hari and Meera were wayyy down the hall talking and I could hear them quite well. Finally I dozed off again and woke up to my alarm just before 10 and I got ready for the history walk I signed up for.
   Took the tube again by myself! Basically made slight acquaintances with an older couple, mostly the woman, who chatted to me about being in King's and how her son just completed his PhD there. Then, Polly, who is one of the international welfare advisers was there, and she recognized me just with a smile so I went over and formally introduced myself (she is the one who gave me all my visa advice--I've e-mailed her like 50+ times). She was such a happy and nice person and she gave me a hug upon our introductions. She asked how King's was going and I answered honestly that I was a bit homesick and a bit let down that my reading week plans have fallen through. She said this is about the time in the term where homesickness usually happens and then she gave me a few pointers on organized tours I could do by myself during reading week. It kind of made my morning. Argula arrived after that we went on the EIC history tour led by one of our lecturers. He talked a LOT and basically stopped us for 20 minutes at least of talking. The sun was out but we stopped in shady alleys where the breeze attacked us and we froze. It wasn't that fun, especially cus it ran 45 min over and I was so cold. I only listened to about the first half. Then Argula and I got hot chocolate at Pret and chatted for a bit and then I came home. All my emotions have kind of built up until right now so I'm feeling a little down and I hope that the rest of the day makes up for it. Michelle invited me out to a bowling alley sort of place with some people for tonight so I want to go to that. Chris just made me feel better as well, and now I do have plans to look forward to--visiting him for a day (and possibly a night) during reading week. Exploring Cambridge and all that :) I guess right now it's really going to depend on things to look forward to. Speaking of which, Nina posted that Patrick Wolf is playing the first week of December in a rather small venue just over in Bloomsbury and I nearly shit myself. Second major thing to check off my list. I would see him a million times over and I want to meet him and just augh. That might be the best thing to happen this whole semester, not even going to lie. <3 <3 <3 Thanks to my people.

Oh hi world

Augh. I feel like such a bad person and friend but it's all I can do not to die at the sight of my inboxes by the time I get back from class. So much shit to deal with at the end of the day and after hw. Augh augh augh. Drat.

I am kind of bumming about with not a lot to report other than a general lack of...good feeling at the moment. My date was blah. My Sunday was blah. Thoughts of Christmas make me sad. If Obi indeed spends it with me, it will be a little better. I know I couldn't go home even if I had the means. It would make leaving again so much harder. I wish I could rush through Christmas and bring on New Year's, when hopefully more people will come to Europe and I will feel a bit more surrounded by people I love. On Monday I went jeans shopping and came away with nothing other than a new bag and some needed items from Superdrug. I was proud though because it was the first time I took the tube alone.

I've been dreaming quite...strongly the past week or so. What's unusual is that I don't remember them, maybe just one small detail. That's unusual for me. I don't quite know what to make of it.

Also, I was looking at pictures of this girl I used to work with who got married and I nearly started crying looking at her wedding pictures because she just looks so happy and her husband looks so happy. I envy them.

Today I didn't want to get up but I did. I did something today that I'm not really proud of. I went to get a chai in the cafe in King's building and I was annoyed that two girls didn't seem like they were in line so I got in line and then they seemed to perk up to the fact that I'd cut them. I was very rude to the girl who said something to her friend about how they thought they were in line. I lashed out and I don't really know why and I immediately felt ashamed as I went away. I really don't know what came over me. Sigh. And then for lunch I ate "3 Halal Chicken sausages with potato wedges and beans" and I knew I would regret eating that but I wanted the nasty and salty for at least the first few bites and salads were smaller and colder and more expensive. Need better health. Also, I've never been so productive on a Tuesday before but I've never been this disconnected from my flatmates and annoyed at people in general. I have been getting along with Kristen. She and I at least will go to Edinburgh in two weekends for reading week.

I am suffering from bouts of homesickness. I took out pictures of my niece today (the ones that aren't on my bulletin board!) and they make me a bit weepy cus I am missing her growing up and I miss my family. And Michigan the state and Kalamazoo. I am still glad I'm here, but it's just hard to be away from a place I really love.

Today

   I went to the Tower today with Kristen, Michelle, Argula, Marina, and Nico (new study abroad friend from California). We spent two and a half hours there and saw the crown jewels (not exactly worth the hype tbh) and really old shit. It was cool. I can't exactly do detail cus I haven't processed it so look out for pics on fb soon and they will be accompanied by details.
   After that we went to Sainsbury's to figure out dinner and I bought pear beer and went back and cooked and got slightly drunk which was fun until it all hit and then it wasn't sooo nice but I drank lots of water and we played cards. Emilie came over, too, which was fun. As I was coming down, we sang lots of explicit rap songs loudly. So fun. Flynn came over!! He and Alison went to play "table tennis." I am in my room, unshowered and gross and ready for bed. I can't stop peeing.

Trying to break the Tuesday and Friday thing

There's been a tiny thing I keep meaning to mention. I got a library card at the local library around the corner and I checked out a book like two weeks ago. They have self checkout machines and they use the same program as the kpl with the same dingy noises and stuff and it made me happy that there was something that I could do without having to ask or look like an ass attempting. :)

Also, so much activity in like two days and now it's just going to chill for awhile, frustrating!!!

I saw the Social Network today with some of my flatmates. It was pretty good and kind of sad. Tomorrow I go to the Tower!!! And then cook fresh vegetables. And I am seeing that guy on Saturday. At least one of my flatmates is going to go and just be there at the cafe in the background in case it turns not safe or in case I need an excuse to leave.

Homework is basically taking over my life and making everything stressful.

So many ups and downs all at once!!!!!

   Ahhhhh. Sexpression = good. New people = good. Getting on with everything. :) Regretting some things, doing good others...life goes on.
   Last night was Kate Nash. I was not exactly feeling up to it, I must say. I was tired and crampy and paranoid about being out in London. Yeah, I know. Winnie and I took the tube to Shepherd's Bush, which, we learned, is a pretty dodgy area. We went too far down one street, asked a drunk man for directions, got nothing, got approached by a guy aggressively asking for change, and then finally got directions to the arena. Good. I got slight anxiety like standing around for awhile and honestly kind of felt like I might need to leave. But I toughed it out and soon my anxiety turned to hunger as I had only eaten a piece of bread with jam on it for dinner. I'm going shopping tomorrow. We didn't actually get near to the stage as it was already pretty busy by the time we got there. We stayed right at the back, standing up on these platforms so we could see. It was good, though she played a lot of her stuff that I didn't know too well. Foundations was great though. :) The tuberide back was hilarious though because there was a drunk guy who just would not stop talking shit, and he was there with his girlfriend, her two friends (none looked older than 16), and someone's mom? Winnie and I had to seat kind of across from each other and kept making looks. The guy sitting next to me kept leaning over to me saying things like the boy just wants an audience. At one point, Winnie couldn't hold it in anymore and just burst out laughing so I started laughing a bit more. What dumb people.
   Today was soooo hard to get up. As usual. After the internet and movie fiasco of the weekend and Monday, I had to go to Maughan to watch my brit lit movie there. Basically, the first women treated me like I was retarded and finally told me to just look the movie up myself at their computer lobby, so I went there and it wouldn't load fast enough, so I went back and asked another girl if she could just look the movie up for me. She basically didn't help, and had to ask two MORE people if the catalogue was for sure down or not, and basically...it was. She was wasting my time and I was pissed in general at King's shittiness so I was just like, interrupting her, "You know what? I'll find it myself. Whatever." Turned away, left. Found the movie after like three minutes. Watched most of it. Had to come back again to watch the rest at my other break, but got it done. Chatted with a nice English girl who had studied abroad last year in California. Ate two sausage rolls for a pound for lunch. Epitome of health.
   So after my seemingly never-ending day of classes, traffic was INSANELY backed up on Strand and everywhere. I waited 25 min for RV1 (normally 10 MAX). This guy next to me turned to me and made some comment about how crap the wait was today. He sounded American. He started chatting to me, found out he's Canadian. Blah blah blah, we're chatting, and then he's like, "So do you have plans for the weekend? Like do you want to do something?" I was like ok basically, maybe we can do something. He asked for my phone number cus he doesn't know his (?) and I didn't know mine cus I've only had my phone for 4 days. So we exchanged e-mails and we'll see how that goes. It was just kind of flattering I guess. :-P
   Anyway, every bus was packed. Literally saw people falling out of the 521 with the doors open. It took us like 20 min to get to the second stop, then we went on diversion and all this shit, then I got home an hour later, after making friends with four girls from LSE on the bus after sharing tissues with one. That was nice. Got home and made soup and basically we had one of our kitchen sessions in the flat and everyone agreed to like be in the background of this public date (should it happen) in order to bail me out should need be and be my security detail. And now here I am, wanting nothing more than warmth, my headache to go away, and to watch British TV shows until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Also, having lunch with Kristen tomorrow, excited!!! :) :)

England and I have been dating for four weeks now.

hi all. no caps for me cus i'm typing on a british keyboard and the shift key is different, etc. too much effort. internet is down in gdsa until monday and so i'm in the computer lab and their computers are bad. that would've been in all caps if i could be bothered. they're really old. my facebook stalking for the evening was quite limited by the fact that i don't want to be judged for going through someone's pictures while other people can just look over. my life...

sexpression training was today and it was good. last soooo long and was boring at times cus all people wanted to do was debate for forever, but other than that i met some new people and now have a bit of a crush on a possibly gay guy. fun times. i went to the social at the pub afterwards planning on staying for only half an hour and managed to stay for two hours but it was good times. four hours tomorrow and then i'm freeeee to teach.

mini squee.

also, i could very easily be judged for updating my blog in public.

I don't party

   Ok so. Wednesday I went to the Imperial War Museum and made friends with a girl from my history class who went along. The museum itself was heavy. We went through an exhibit that was meant to show how a submarine was and just looking at the bunks and stuff made me feel claustrophobic and worried. There were a bunch of tanks and planes and giant shells in the main room. We then went downstairs where there was the WWI and WWII things, which is all I remember. There was just SO MUCH stuff in each exhibit case. Letters, uniforms, poetry, medals, etc. We went to the "Trench Experience" which was a lifesize little walking area with dummies speaking and explosions. It was pretty intense and dark. They had a little nook where a person was being treated for a pretty severe wound. We emerged from there to the WWII section, and because we had a bit of a time crunch, we went to the Blitz Experience first. We had to queue and wait for it, and before it started, I was already freaking out. There was basically a tiny room with a long bench on either side and it was completely dark. Ok, so my impression was that we were going to be sitting there in the dark with no way out and it was going to shake and we were going to hear fake bombs bursting for ten minutes. I panicked to the point where I had to leave before it began and then the museum guy was like, "Too much for you? How about I turn on a light?" And he said I could leave if I needed to. So I said that was fine. Ok, so literally all that happened was a bunch of talking and at the end the bench moved like an inch. Then we were led through another door to "London" and we walked along a street and watched a gasworks get bombed and saw water mains broken and stuff. This was all fake and not to scale. I felt so foolish when we emerged after that. But I would also like to note that the outside of the thing said that it wasn't for people prone to nervousness or whatever so it painted this completely different picture for me. *eyeroll* Anyway, so we went through some of the WWII stuff after that, since Kristen loves that war (in a historical way). Then Marina wanted to skip the Holocaust area because she had just been at another museum about it. So we went to the Crimes Against Humanity area, which was just a movie about genocides throughout the world. That was heavy. We watched like 15 minutes, towards the end of it, and finally Kristen just had to leave because it was making her feel horrible. We wandered around the gift shop and then basically just met the rest of the group and left. I need to go back. That was definitely one of the museums where I feel like I just scratched the surface and there's a lot more I want to look at in-depth.
   After that we went back to Strand, and Argula and I waited for the Creative Writing Society meeting. That was interesting. It was a lot bigger group and there was another guy from our history class there, who is nice enough. (He reminds me so much of Simon Boehme physically--it's so strange!!) We did a lot of icebreakers then making up stories with random words and then talked about upcoming events. Their events actually seem legit and cool, but the meetings are two hours long, which is kind of insane. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I was fine at the beginning of the meeting but I was dehydrated so halfway through I was like, "I want hoooome." I toughed it out and went home and did reading or something.
   Thursdays are really weird. I start out with seminar for Irish Lit, which is intimidating cus people are so gung ho with their opinions. More to come on that later. I didn't say anything but the hour passed quickly. After that, I decided to brave the walk to Senate House Library, who had another of the history books I needed. I got lost cus I went down Drury Lane instead of Kingsway (and then had the muffin man song stuck in my head!). I reluctantly drew out my London A to Z map and resumed the right course. Fucking Senate House is so far away. I FINALLY got there and got my book and asked the guy working if there was a bus that picked up near there. He was really nice and looked it up on tfl for me and I found the bus stop and it dropped me off right in front of campus! Then I had Jacobean theatre, which I loooove mostly because Gordon is so awesome. And before class started, I began talking to a girl called Jo cus she's in Irish Lit as well and just switched into my seminar and we were talking about how awkward discussion is cus it's way too open and she was like, "Yeah, did you notice that there was basically this huge awkward pause at one point?" And there was, it was pretty bad. I just thought it was funny. THEN I WENT HOOOOME. And it was good. Lots of productive reading and Peep Show happiness. That show is so hilarious btw.
Today I had to get up for history and I was so tired cus the girl who lives below me fucking coughed ALL NIGHT and kept me up. Lecture was so long and brutal and fast. Then I GOT MY FUCKING DEBIT CARD. And I got my pin yesterday so I was all set and basically squeed inside all the way to O2 where I GOT MY PHONE. And it was good. Had seminar, went home, talked to home, notably my brother and Ashley and it was nice. Then two and a half hours of reading and I am relatively caught up in my novel for Brit Lit. I watched Alison cook some and then we sorted all the accumulated recycling while the other flat on our floor partied hard. One of the guys was stopping the door open as we went by with all of our bags of recycling. At least I'm saving the earth! And I do have to get up early tomorrow cus sexpression training is this weekend!! I am a happy girl!!

augh augh sorry you told me I would be busy!

 Here I am! I am alive! I have been busy and too tired at night to write!
On Friday night I went out for a drink with Alison, Flynn, one of his flatmates and her friend and it was a little awkward but fun. The Roebuck was noisy and outside was cold so we came back to our flat and played cards. That night I had a hilarious three way conversation with Obi and Chris and it made me happy. On Saturday I barely did anything productive and then Emilie invited me to go check out Hyde Park, so I went with her and Michelle came. Marina met us at the park. I suggested we go to the Natural History museum so we walked the 20 min to get there, oggling in the shops (including Emporio Armani...holy shit). The NH museum was pretty cool and included an escalator into the center of the Earth. Oh yeah. We wandered around for a bit then headed back and ended up spending some time in H&M, and even though I tried pants on, none fit and I left a little deflated. By the time we got back to the park it was going on half five so we just decided to go home. I got back and Alison was prepping dumplings for the next day, so I made myself grilled ham and cheese with pesto and tomato soup and chatted with her for awhile. Then I holed up in my room for the rest of the night. I had a three way convo with Chris and Rachel, which was fun. I then shaved for the first time in over three weeks. It took over half an hour, demolished one razor and left me with frigid water. But it needed to be done. At one point after that, I ducked into the kitchen to make hot chocolate and Shubha was bored so she, Charli, Charli's boyfriend Matt, and I sat around talking. I got Alison from her room for more cards and it was a good night.
On Sunday I woke up early to meet everyone to go to Camden. For those of you who don't know, Camden is like the alternative place--home to punks and sellers of other alternative clothing. We got the tube there and when we emerged, it was like we weren't in London (it's SO big!). We wandered around a bunch of shops but I didn't get anything and was slightly disappointed. There was a huge selection of food from around the world, so I got Peruvian food for lunch. That included rice, black beans, red onion, mushroom, and specially grilled chicken with a spicy sauce drizzled over it. Pretty freaking good. We went back to gdsa to regroup and then headed out to Oxford Street for some shopping, mostly to go to Primark. Primark is an insanely cheap store (and sometimes the low quality shows) that sells clothes and shoes. This Primark was a zoo. It was fucking insane. The line to the dressing room took me nearly ten minutes. And then the jeans were like really bad. So it wasn't the greatest Primark experience. I walked away with a pair of metallic flats for four pounds but, as Winnie said, they're going to fall apart in a few weeks. We hit M&S and then got waffles and then went home. I had forgotten to buy champagne for the cocktail party so I dragged my ass out again to the Cost Cutters and got a bottle. Then I read for an hour in order to be productive.
When I was done reading, I showered and did my makeup and everything for this cocktail party. Everyone said I looked really cute. I hope they post pictures soon. Alison was an amazing cook and her dumplings were DELICIOUS. There was every kind of alcohol--well, the major groups were represented). Not all of us were present, and Hari was sick, so we started without everyone. White Russians were not bad at all. And I liked my drink when the sugar was actually distributed throughout. The problem was I was so tired that alcohol was not a good idea, so I didn't drink that much. Arun got drunk for the first time which was slightly funny (and good that he was in a safe environment!). We played Never Have I Ever and it got dirty and nasty and we learned things about each other that we might not talk about again normally until the next time we drink together. At one point I decided I was going to my room for the night but everyone implored me to stay a while longer so I did and then called it a night. I encouraged Arun to drink lots of water before bed. They had 9am lectures the next day. Later, when they all quit the kitchen, and I was skyping, he knocked on my door saying, "Go to bed, I can hear your tv!" Ha.
Yesterday was my hw day. I read three plays and it took me all day and was painful, literally and mentally. There was something about the chili that I made that made me feel sick (so I've just thrown the last helping out) for most of the evening and this morning. But I got things done and watched Peep Show and generally chilled out. I cleaned my bathroom and vacuumed my room and organized my desk. All of these things make me feel a little bit better in general. I went to bed early and still woke up too early.
I talked to Ellen first thing this morning. The idea of her still being up at 3:30am writing a paper kind of killed me inside but it was nice to chat. I love starting the day with Jacobean theatre. Gordon is such an engaging professor and very fun. Also, the people in that class I've come to talk to are quite nice and one girl might go to Cardiff with her friends to see the Doctor Who exhibit and I can come! Squee. I really must figure out a place to study during my two hour breaks cus I always just kind of plop in one place then kind of wander around. The rest of my classes were fine. I did go to office hours for Irish Lit to better understand the extra reading situation, and I'm afraid I might've given him the impression that I don't enjoy the class fully, but that's not quite true. We only had two weeks of it thus far! But I like him a bit better now that I realize that he's quite shy. I went to the poetry reading he told us about after classes today and it was nice. Made me think a lot.

Speaking of thinking, yeah, been doing a lot of that lately. Since I was feeling sick (from the chili) last night, I began to finally feel a bit homesick. I think that was heightened because I've finally reached a point where I'm really starting to reflect on my life at home and where things were when I left. I guess I'm starting to feel a little bit like I'm moving on while also at the same time rooted in place. I don't know if that makes sense. I am censoring myself. One thing I can say for certain is that, a million times over, this experience thus far has proved my best friendship with some people and pretty much severed the ties for me from that one group I was somewhat at odds with (not severed for real, but made me realize who really counts). This realization means a lot to me. It means that I have found people who I mesh with despite the fact that we're all changing and growing constantly. Good people in my life, I can tell you that. :)

Oh, one more thing, so I was gone 11 hours straight today and when I got home I went to the kitchen to fill my water bottles and Arun, Shubha and Katherine were in there talking about HP fanfiction. Honestly, the subject is getting quite old to me and I was getting annoyed until Shubha just broke from that convo to tell me that she had read some of my erotica and it was really good. Apparently, Arun had read it with her, Katherine, too, and they just began to praise my writing, noting especially one line that was perfect. I couldn't help but beam. I told them it had pretty much made my day...which it did. And I am gearing up to start writing again very soon.